Writing task 2 – Hi, can anyone help to mark and score my essay? I will be having IELTS test next month, and i needed someone to evaluate my essay. Thanks :)

QuestionsWriting task 2 – Hi, can anyone help to mark and score my essay? I will be having IELTS test next month, and i needed someone to evaluate my essay. Thanks :)
Greg asked 1 year ago

Writing Task 2:
Modern societies need specialists in certain fields, but not in others.
Some people therefore think that governments should pay university fees for students who study subjects that is needed by society. Those who choose to study less relevant subjects should not receive government funding.
Would the advantages of such an educational policy outweigh the disadvantages?
            Nowadays, technology has become more advanced, and thus certain fields like medicine and engineering require many specialists. Therefore, someone argues that only the university fees of these courses should be sponsored by the national authorities, neglecting the less relevant courses as this will benefits the society. In my opinion, such educational policy brings more cons than pros. This essay will argue about why such strategy should not be implemented.
            Certainly, the supporters will contend that funding those costly courses will help the poor to pursue their desired courses and careers and thus achieving their dreams. Nevertheless, they did not see on the dark side of such funding as this could create unfairness for other students. It is believed that any studied courses would ultimately give contribution to the society in a certain way. Besides doctors, careers such as teachers and businessman can contribute to the society by educating the students to become a disciplined person and by generating enormous tax income to the government respectively. Thus, it is not fair to prioritise certain course only to be funded and discriminate those ‘irrelevant’ courses. Instead, the government should fund those outstanding and talented students based on academics and co-curriculum.
            Apart from that, another problem arises when too many students apply for such courses and thus making the courses competitive among the students. Maybe, some of them who are uninterested in such course also enrolled into it for the sake of attaining full sponsorship from the government. In future, they might cry over the spilt milk as they realise that they have chosen the wrong career path and change their career path, or even some them just drop off halfway and start another new course.  Hence, is it still worth to sponsor such irresponsible students? No. Finally, as we all know, funding for a 5-years course such as medicine are quite pricey and if more and more students enrolled in such courses, this would eventually rise up the government’s financial burden.
            To sum up, I am convinced that such policy will have more drawbacks than the advantages to the society, as this will create unfairness, cause the overflow of students into such courses, and also considerably increase government financial burden.

Writing task 2 – Hi, can anyone help to mark and score my essay? I will be having IELTS test next month, and i needed someone to evaluate my essay. Thanks 🙂
5 (100%) 2 votes

Greg replied 1 year ago

Anyone???

Greg replied 1 year ago

Hi @Shikhar, thanks for your comment, but can u give an example on how to make a clear idea on thesis statement? Thanks:)

1 Answers
Shikhar answered 1 year ago

Introduction Part:

  1. You need to make some changes to your introduction:

    (Therefore, someone) is not academic and therefore, can result in a lower band score. Instead, you can write (Many believe that, It is considered by many, It is commonly believed that).

    Your thesis statement lacks ideas on which you would be building your essay. A clear idea would help the examiner get a clear view of your essay.

    Grammer- It should be “benefit” not “benefits “

  2. There are a few grammar mistakes in your body paragraphs. You have used linking word finally but you never used firstly, secondly etc. They can help you improve your essay.
  3. To sum up is fine for the conclusion but to conclude, in conclusion are better for the reader to know where your conclusion starts.

    Task Response-7
    Coherence and Cohesion- 6
    Vocab – 7
    Grammer-6
    Overall – 6.5

    Hope this will help   🙂

Writing task 2 – Hi, can anyone help to mark and score my essay? I will be having IELTS test next month, and i needed someone to evaluate my essay. Thanks 🙂
5 (100%) 2 votes

Greg replied 1 year ago

Anyone???

Greg replied 1 year ago

Hi @Shikhar, thanks for your comment, but can u give an example on how to make a clear idea on thesis statement? Thanks:)

1

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