Writing task 2 – Can someone help to mark and score my essay? I will be having my exam quite soon, so please do help to check. Thanks :)

QuestionsCategory: DicussionWriting task 2 – Can someone help to mark and score my essay? I will be having my exam quite soon, so please do help to check. Thanks :)
Chesnov Igor asked 4 months ago

Many developing countries require aid from international organisations to develop. Many people think that this aid should be financial, while others think that practical aid and advice are more useful. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
People have different views about the kind of support that wealthy nations should provide for poorer ones. Although, some believe that practical support is more beneficial for poor countries while others stress the importance of financial aid, I believe that both kinds of help are important and the ratio between them is determined by the economic situation a particular country is in.
The main argument of those who are for financial support is that the poorest nations cannot support their population’s basic needs. Indeed, the most of the population there live in extreme poverty, they are food-insecure, have no access even to primary education, and the healthcare is extremely poorly-developed if there is at all. In these circumstances, external financial support is a crucial and only means to make a difference and lift the poorest countries out of poverty. Such aid might be provided in form of food donations, investments into agriculture, industries, infrastructure, and building of decent public facilities.
On the other hand, the main problem of the developing countries with rich natural resources lies in inability of local governments to make appropriate steps to change the people’s lives for better. It is when overseas advise comes first. For instance, the developed countries could advise how to establish an education system that would fit the needs of a particular nation. Another example is, the western specialists could enhance local people’s awareness of importance of routine hygienic procedures to prevent certain diseases from spreading. Moreover, the engineers from the rich countries could advise their counterparts on what factors should be taken into account while building roads, constructing buildings and other facilities.   
To conclude, my point of view is, it is not accurate to say that wealthy nations should provide either financial or practical help. At different stages of a country’s development, either of aids can prevail over the other, and, to determine what it should be, the developed countries, in cooperation with the poor ones, should recognize what the problems the last ones face at a particular time.               
 

Writing task 2 – Can someone help to mark and score my essay? I will be having my exam quite soon, so please do help to check. Thanks 🙂
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1 Answers
Rachel Evans answered 4 months ago

Many developing countries require aid from international organisations to develop. Many people think that this aid should be financial, while others think that practical aid and advice are more useful. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

People have different views about the kind of support that wealthy nations should provide for poorer ones. Although, some believe that practical support is more beneficial for poor countries while others stress the importance of financial aid, I believe that both kinds of help are important and the ratio between them is determined by the economic situation a particular country is in.

The main argument of those who are for financial support is that the poorest nations cannot support their population’s basic needs. Indeed, the most of the/ [the majority of the] population there [are living]/ live in extreme poverty, they are food-insecure, have no access even to primary education, and the healthcare is extremely poorly-developed if there is at all. In these circumstances, external financial support is a crucial and only means to make a difference and lift the poorest countries out of poverty. Such aid might be provided in form of food donations, investments into agriculture, industries, infrastructure, and building of decent public facilities.

On the other hand, the main problem of the developing countries with rich natural resources lies in inability of local governments to make appropriate steps to change the people’s lives for better. It is when overseas advise comes first. For instance, the developed countries could advise how to establish an education system that would fit the needs of a particular nation. Another example is, the western specialists could enhance local people’s awareness of importance of routine hygienic procedures to prevent certain diseases from spreading. Moreover, the engineers from the rich countries could advise their counterparts on what factors should be taken into account while building roads, constructing buildings and other facilities.

To conclude, my point of view is, it is not accurate to say that wealthy nations should provide either financial or practical help. At different stages of a country’s development, either of aids can prevail over the other, and to determine what it should be, the developed countries, in cooperation with the poor ones, should recognize what the problems the last ones face at a particular time.

Overall 7.0 (TA – 7.0 CC 7.0 LR – 7.0 GRA 7.5)

Overall you have made a good essay.

On the introduction sentence of the third paragraph, you should indicate the main point is about practical aids and advices. Or else it could post some confusion in the transition between this paragraph and the previous one.

Best of luck,

Writing task 2 – Can someone help to mark and score my essay? I will be having my exam quite soon, so please do help to check. Thanks 🙂
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