Would you please check and evalute my essay – for an Academic IELTS essay.Give me bandscore for this. Thank you

QuestionsWould you please check and evalute my essay – for an Academic IELTS essay.Give me bandscore for this. Thank you
Hoang Linh asked 2 years ago

In the past, most people lived in small villages where everyone knew everyone else. Nowadays, most people live in large cities where they only know a few people in their area.
What do you think were the advantages and disadvantages of living in a small community?
 
These days, people tend to live in big crowded cities where they have less connection with others. In the past, there were both positive and negative sides of living in small areas
In my opinion, there were three main benefits. First and foremost, people help each other whenever they have difficulties. In some cases, arguments among members of a family are reconciled by their neighbors. Also, people find it comfortable to share and talk about funny things together. They can organize a meeting at weekends to discuss general problems of the area and how to deal with them. Second, fewer people may cause less crime and environmental pollution. As a result, it’s easier to take over and manage a small village. 
However, I think living in little town has its own disadvantages. One of those is unpleasant feeling as people know each other quite well, which leads to leaking of private information. Sometimes, people find it inconvenient if their neighbors show too much interest in their family’s problems.
I believe the advantages of staying in a small community are over the disadvantages. Troublesome matters that affect people’s private life are minor. Meanwhile, it’s great to support each other in community so they can equally develop. People’re always surrounded by good friends and neighbors so they never feel lonely. 

Would you please check and evalute my essay – for an Academic IELTS essay.Give me bandscore for this. Thank you
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1 Answers
Rachel Evans answered 2 years ago

These days, people tend to live in big crowded cities where they have less connection with others. In the past, there were both positive and negative sides of living in small areas. (I expected you to say something about the past trend before ‘there were…’, it’s quite curt and incoherent)
In my opinion, there were three main benefits. First and foremost, people help each other whenever they have difficulties. In some cases, arguments among members of a family are (tense?!) reconciled by their neighbors. Also, people find it comfortable to share and talk about funny things together. They can organize a meeting at weekends to discuss general problems of the area and how to deal with them. Second, fewer people may cause less crime and environmental pollution. As a result, it’s easier to take over and manage a small village.
However, I think living in little town has its own disadvantages. One of those is unpleasant feeling as people know each other quite well, which leads to leaking of private information. Sometimes, people find it inconvenient if their neighbors show too much interest in their family’s problems.
I believe the advantages of staying in a small community are over the disadvantages. (This sentence makes your conclusion off track – This sentence is better to use when addressing the question of Do advantage outweight disadvantage?) Troublesome matters that affect people’s private life are minor. Meanwhile, it’s great to support each other in community so they can equally develop. People’re (make sure you never use contractions in academic writing) always surrounded by good friends and neighbors so they never feel lonely.
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Hi Hoang Linh, here is your band score:
(218 – under word)
TA – 5.0
CC – 5.0
LR – 5.0

  • very simple lexical units
  • try to avoid personal pronouns as much as possible

GRA – 5.0

  • simple sentence structures

Overall 5.0
Maybe you want to enrich your vocabulary before sitting for the real exam. Reading materials should be very handy for both increasing vocabulary and structure ranges.
Best of luck!

Would you please check and evalute my essay – for an Academic IELTS essay.Give me bandscore for this. Thank you
Rate this post

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