Would you help me to check it and give me a score? plz

QuestionsCategory: Bar ChartWould you help me to check it and give me a score? plz
admin asked 8 months ago

A glance at two figures provided reveals the rates of cosmetic surgery in North Korea between men and women in 2004.

In general speaking, cosmetic surgery in more popular in women than men  and of course their surgery type is totally different from each other,as we can see the most
popular surgery in women is Eyelid surgery over 300,000 of women have taken this kind of surgery to enhance their appearance and the second surgery Rhinoplasty is about 280,000 times,the third one is Laser Skin Resurfacing it has approximately 210,000 times of these procedures were conducted on women  in 2004.Liposuction and Breast Enlargement have 120,000 times and 140,000 times  operations respectively .

Let’s take a look at men’s rates of cosmetic surgery,start from the highest surgery-Hair transplantation a stunning number shows this surgery has been conducted about 60,000 times among men.
Then is the second one Laser Skin Resurfacing this surgery seems also very popular among males has been conducted approximately 58,000 times.
As for Rhinoplasty it only has been operated about 40,000 times.Other than those surgeries Facelift and Abdominoplasty both are not so attractive they only have 15,000 times and 19,000 times of operation respectively.

What’s noteworthy is that both women and men share the same surgery, Rhinoplasty and Laser skin resurfacing.

thanks !

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1 Answers
admin answered 8 months ago

A glance at two figures provided reveals the rates of cosmetic surgery in North Korea between men and women in 2004.

In general speaking, cosmetic surgery in was more popular in women than men  and of course their surgery types is are totally different from each other,as .As we can see, the most popular surgery in women is was eyelid surgery, over 300,000 of women who have had taken this kind of surgery to enhance their appearance and the second surgery was rhinoplasty which is was about 280,000 times, the The third one is was laser skin resurfacing and it has had approximately 210,000 times of these procedures (which were) conducted on women  in 2004.Liposuction and breast enlargement have had 120,000 times and 140,000 times  operations respectively .

Let’s take a look at men’s rates of cosmetic surgery,start from the highest surgery, hair transplantation was a stunning number which shows this surgery has had been conducted about 60,000 times among men. Then the second one was laser skin resurfacing and this surgery seems seemed so very popular among males (that hadhas been conducted approximately 58,000 times. As forrhinoplasty, it only has had been operated about 40,000 times.The other than those surgerieswere facelift and abdominoplasty which both are were not so attractive they that only have had15,000 times and 19,000 times of operation respectively.

What’s noteworthy is The most significant similarity was that both women and men shared the same surgery, rhinoplasty and laser skin resurfacing.
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My advice:
You have to use the tenses correctly.
Please don’t use “let’s take a look at” or “what’s noteworthy’ in academic writing.
Don’t capitalize unreasonably such as laser skin resurfacing

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