Would you be so kind to evaluate the essay? within 3 days I have an exam.

QuestionsCategory: Advantage/DisadvantageWould you be so kind to evaluate the essay? within 3 days I have an exam.
biggestproblemiswriting asked 10 months ago

Many schools are encouraging children to leave their hand writing skills.
Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of this trend?
 
With the advent of digital world, human beings were forced to digitalize their environment. A typical sample of this tendency is nowadays being applied in the schools, by encouraging children to use digital means of devices to write, which as a result, retards the effect of the aesthetics of the writing. İn my opinion, abandoning the hand writing would have a range of detrimental effect on the society.
 
 The writing is one of the most basic factors which forms one’s conscience. As the writing  is most useful way of digesting knowledge and storing it in long term, I do believe, this traditional way should be preserved and paid more attention. Discrediting hand writing, first of all, would increase grammar and punctual mistakes, as writing by using a digital devices needs a quicker way of thinking. For example, when one writes on paper, he mentally can take his time to write, as in any case, his fingers are slower than his brain. İn this situation, mistakes are unlikely to be done. However, when we write on a digital devices, our brain and fingers are more likely to be in line with its speed, which therefore makes us quicker, consequently to make more mistakes. Secondly, being faster would directly effect our way of thinking. We would begin to produce simpler works that would need less vocabulary. For example, when old newspapers and current ones are compared, an amazing huge gap could be seen. This is a great menace for our languages.
 
 On the other hand, the only advantage of using digital devices to write, would be its speed. İt would noticeably hasten the process of writing that would higly contribute to the media industry. İn a television programme for example, people should produce as fast as they can in order to be in line with the time. Therefore, computers or typing machines would be useful for  the media companies.
 
 İn conclusion, I believe that replacing hand writing with a digital one would elevate grammatical mistakes and would negatively effect our way of thinking, having said that, in my opinion, the only advantage of using digital devices is its frightening speed.
 

Would you be so kind to evaluate the essay? within 3 days I have an exam.
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1 Answers
Thuy Dung Pham answered 10 months ago

With the advent of digital world, human beings were forced to digitalize their environment. A typical sample of this tendency is nowadays being applied in the schools, by encouraging children to use digital means of devices to write, which as a result, retards the effect of the aesthetics of the writing. İn my opinion, abandoning the hand writing would have a range of detrimental effect on the society.
 
 The writing is one of the most basic factors which forms one’s conscience. As the writing  is most useful way of digesting knowledge and storing it in long term, I do believe, this traditional way should be preserved and paid more attention. Discrediting hand writing, first of all, would increase grammar and punctual mistakes, as writing by using a digital devices needs a quicker way of thinking. For example, when one writes on paper, he mentally can take his time to write, as in any case, his fingers are slower than his brain. (Run-on sentence). İn this situation, mistakes are unlikely to be done. However, when we write on a digital devices, our brain and fingers are more likely to be in line with its speed, which therefore makes us quicker, consequently to make more mistakes. Secondly, being faster would directly effect our way of thinking. We would begin to produce simpler works that would need less vocabulary. For example, when old newspapers and current ones are compared, an amazing huge gap could be seen. This is a great menace for our languages.
 
 On the other hand, the only advantage of using digital devices to write, would be its speed. İt would noticeably hasten the process of writing that would higly contribute to the media industry. İn a television programme, (comma) for example, people should produce as fast as they can in order to be in line with the time. Therefore, computers or typing machines would be useful for  the media companies.
 
 İn conclusion, I believe that replacing hand writing with a digital one would elevate grammatical mistakes and would negatively effect our way of thinking, having said that, in my opinion, the only advantage of using digital devices is its frightening speed.
Task achievement: 5.5 (presents some main ideas but the development is not always clear and not sufficiently developed)
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0 (arranges information and ideas coherently and there is a clear overall progression)
Lexical Resource: 5.5 (uses a limited range of vocabulary, word choice, and repeatable words)
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5.5 (uses a mix of simple and complex sentences but only a limited range of structures, mistake in punctuation and have some run-on sentence)
Overall: 5.5 (Overall, you understand the instruction but this task needs to be improved. Try not to use “I” in an academic writing)

Would you be so kind to evaluate the essay? within 3 days I have an exam.
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