Whould you please help me to check and give me a score please? Topic: Cars

QuestionsCategory: Problem-SolutionWhould you please help me to check and give me a score please? Topic: Cars
Antonia asked 1 year ago

Topic: Cars have become a convenient and economical form of transport and as a result, the use of cars has increased dramatically during the last century.

Discuss the problems this increase has created, and offer some practical solutions.

During the last decades the use of cars have become very popular because they’re a cheap way of moving. This essay will discuss the problem that the dramatic growth in the number of cars is bringing in our society and will try to give some solutions.

The main reason why people are buying a lot of cars is that they’re faster and cheaper than public transports. With the growing of the population, many people have started to move far from the center of the cities, but they still need to go there for work. Thanks to this phenomenon a lot of people have started to live in areas where public transports aren’t very efficient and economical. As a result cars are often preferred for moving to buses and trains, but this is creating several problems.

Firstly the increasing in the number of automobiles is bringing a lot of air pollution. Breathing corrupted air is very unhealthy and is causing a lot of sickness like breathing diseases and cancers. With the development of the technology electrical engines are becoming more and more efficient and this will probably be the best solution.

Furthermore the growth in number of cars is creating a lot of traffic. In my opinion there will be only a few ways to solve the traffic problem. The simplest is to substitute cars with motorbikes, they’re much more smaller and easier to park. An other way to solve this problem is to empower the public tranports, but this method has a lot of economical problems such as building and maintenance costs of the infrastuctures.  The last solution is to put people in condition of working from home. With the development of the internet technology, a lot of office jobs can be done from home, and with the diffusion of on-line shopping many products doesn’t need shops to be sold.

To sum up moving people will be one of the most challenging issue in the next 50 years and I think that it can be solves only with the development of technologies.

Thanks for assessing my essay.

Whould you please help me to check and give me a score please? Topic: Cars
4.8 (95%) 4 votes

1 Answers
Antonia answered 1 year ago

During the last decades the use of cars have become very popular because they’re a cheap way of moving. This essay will discuss the problem that the dramatic growth in the number of cars is bringing in our society (Passive voice should be used to make sentences less complicated.==>discuss the problems brought by  the dramatic growth in the number of cars…) and will try to give some solutions.

The main reason why people are buying a lot of cars is that they’re faster and cheaper than public transports. With the growing of the population, many people have started to move far from the center of the cities, but they still need to go there for work. Thanks to this phenomenon a lot of people have started to live in areas where public transports aren’t very efficient and economical. As a result cars are often preferred for moving to buses and trains, but this is creating several problems.

Firstly the increasing in the number of automobiles is bringing a lot of air pollution. Breathing corrupted air is very unhealthy and is causing a lot of sickness like breathing diseases and cancers. With the development of the technology electrical engines are becoming more and more efficient and this will probably be the best solution.

Furthermore the growth in number of cars is creating a lot of traffic. In my opinion there will be only a few ways to solve the traffic problem. The simplest is to substitute cars with motorbikes, they’re much more smaller and easier to park. An other way to solve this problem is to empower the public tranports, but this method has a lot of economical problems such as building and maintenance costs of the infrastuctures.  The last solution is to put people in condition of working from home. With the development of the internet technology, a lot of office jobs can be done from home, and with the diffusion of on-line shopping many products doesn’t need shops to be sold.

To sum up moving people will be one of the most challenging issue in the next 50 years and I think that it can be solves only with the development of technologies.

Task fulfillment    6.0    
You covered both questions but didn’t balance problems and pollutions. Some points were not fully developed.
This type of question should be structured as follows:
– Opening
– Problems
– Solutions
– Conclusion

Coherence & Cohesion    5.5   

The essay had some organization, attempt to use cohesion between sentences, but sometimes incorrectly

Lexical resources   6    

Limited, misused vocabulary, you should try to paraphrase: a lot of, solution, problem, development,….
Spelling and punctuation mistakes

Grammartical range & Accuracy    6    

Repetition of grammar structures, some errors in punctuation, use of short forms and simple sentences.

Overall Score:    6    

Whould you please help me to check and give me a score please? Topic: Cars
4.8 (95%) 4 votes

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