Which score could i get for this IELTS Writing Task 2 topic?

QuestionsCategory: QuestionsWhich score could i get for this IELTS Writing Task 2 topic?
jasmine asked 5 months ago

As a prominent social issue, the crime of juvenile delinquency has greatly increased. With regard to this social issue, some people claim that teenage criminals should be punished rigorously. However, others argue that appropriate education could be a feasible alternative rather than them being punished. In this essay, respective views of both sides will be put forward before personal opinion is given.

On the one hand, assenters upholding the punishment are concerned with the dramatic growth of the rate of underage criminals. They purport that this problem is ascribed to the lax regulations for punishing young criminals. Hence, a majority of teenagers are involved in bulgaries, rubberies and street mugging. In the social context, underage criminals should be aware of their behaviors through the stringent legislation. Consequently, teenagers committing crimes could reflect upon their inappropriate actions, which would be the most feasible solution for mitigating this problem.

On the other hand, lots of people believe that severe punishment might not be the best solution. This is because there are other comparative factors contributing to the increase in juvenile delinquency such as the effect of family, parental communication and academic problems. Hence, knowing the fundamental reasons should be the primal step through providing them with education. The well-constructed education system allows the young criminals to comprehend the moral and ethical values and to acquire the notion of the right and the wrong. Rehabilitating them by psychological therapies based on education can give them a chance to live a better life.

In conclusion, as being a sensitive and debatable issue, in my perspective, more flexible and practical alternative like enforcing educational supports and additions will be more required.

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1 Answers
jasmine answered 5 months ago

Hi,

Thank you for your essay. 
It is a wonderful essay. It covers the task, is correctly structured, the paragraphs are logically connected, the structure of sentences shows excellent command of English. The vocabulary is impressive with a accurate and natural usage of collocations.

Task Achievement: 8.0
– presents a well-developed response to the question with relevant, extended and supported ideas
 
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
– sequences information and ideas ƒ logically
– manages all aspects of cohesion well
– uses paragraphing sufficiently and appropriately
Lexical Resource: 8.5
-skilfully uses uncommon lexical items but there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8.0
– uses a wide range of structures
– the majority of sentences are error-free
– makes only very occasional errors 

==> Band 8.0 Essay 

I will re-categorize this essay into Sample Essays category. 
Hope that you can keep posting more excellent essays like this one on this blog so that other IELTS learners can greatly benefit from them. 

All the best with your IELTS studies!

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