Thuy Dung Pham and Rachel please check my essay. I need your help…thanks in advance

QuestionsCategory: Writing Task 2Thuy Dung Pham and Rachel please check my essay. I need your help…thanks in advance
livermore asked 2 years ago

Topic: Do you think that rich countries have a duty to stop starvation in the third world?
Peace of the world becomes extinct  day by day due to several urgent conflicts of less affluent countries. Particularly, civil wars, common starvation and poverty. Admittedly, without help of great  countries, nobody is able to solve above mentioned global problems which demand vast of vigour. From my prospective that wealthy countries have to improve living and moral standards of poorer countries, if situations occur in their bordering countries area and also there are  other reasons why they help them.
Currently, conception of starvation and shortcoming of normal living standards are more actual and widespread issues among the less affluent countries since living costs become expensive. Thus, their government unable to supply with essential food-stuffs, clothes, accommodation, medicines and so on. In this case, rich countries such as Russia, US and rest of European countries should encourage them. Main reason is that well-developed countries have sufficient financial resources to give founds to those “third“ world countries to solve their problems and save thousands of lives easily. In other words, affluent countries prevent a lot of detrimental disease and suspend awful circumstances in developing countries. To illustrate, recently “Ebola“ virus had ruined  health of poor countries population, although wealthy countries rescued them and struggled against to ailment and they reached good results.
Naturally, this arguable question “Why affluent countries help them”  being debated for a long time in our society. Actually rich countries help them in order to save own peace cause war condition may impact on their daily basis. In addition, they obtain good opportunity to create strategic zones in poorer countries. For instance US being facilitated to provide with food and garments to population of Afghanistan because America excavating oil without stopping in their area.
In conclusion, rich countries should revolutionize moral condition of less affluent countries. Namely if they should not support them as a consequence poorer countries may become problematic areas for them.

Thuy Dung Pham and Rachel please check my essay. I need your help…thanks in advance
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livermore replied 2 years ago

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livermore replied 2 years ago

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livermore replied 2 years ago

please assess my essay.

livermore replied 2 years ago

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livermore replied 2 years ago

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livermore replied 2 years ago

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livermore replied 2 years ago

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livermore replied 2 years ago

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livermore replied 2 years ago

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livermore replied 2 years ago

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1 Answers
Rachel Evans answered 2 years ago

Topic: Do you think that rich countries have a duty to stop starvation in the third world? 
Peace of the world becomes extinct day by day due to several urgent conflicts of less affluent countries. Particularly, civil wars, common starvation and poverty (incomplete sentence). Admittedly, without help of great countries, nobody is able to solve above mentioned global problems which demand vast of vigour. From my prospective that wealthy countries have to improve living and moral standards of poorer countries, if situations occur in their bordering countries area and also there are other reasons why they help them.
Currently, conceptions of starvation and shortcoming of normal living standards are more actual and widespread issues among the less affluent countries since living costs become expensive. Thus, their governments are unable to supply with essential food-stuffs, clothes, accommodation, medicines and so on. In this case, rich countries such as Russia, US and rest of European countries should encourage them. Main reason is that well-developed countries have sufficient financial resources to give founds funds to those “third“ world countries to solve their problems and save thousands of lives easily. In other words, affluent countries prevent a lot of detrimental disease and suspend awful circumstances in developing countries. To illustrate, recently “Ebola“ virus had ruined  health of poor countries population, although wealthy countries rescued them and struggled against to ailment and they reached good results.
Naturally, this arguable question “Why affluent countries help them?”  being debated for a long time in our society. Actually rich countries help them in order to save own peace cause war condition may impact on their daily basis. In addition, they obtain good opportunity to create strategic zones in poorer countries. For instance US being facilitated to provide with food and garments to population of Afghanistan because America excavating oil without stopping in their area. (unclear)
In conclusion, rich countries should revolutionize moral condition of less affluent countries. Namely if they should not support them as a consequence poorer countries may become problematic areas for them.
TA – 5.5

  • address all parts
  • development is not always clear

CC –  5.0

  • make inadequate use of cohesive devices
  • connection between sentences are weak

LR – 6.0

  • attempt to use less common lexical

GRA – 5.0

  • some basic grammatical errors
  • some sentences are too long and not well- managed, which caused confusion and difficulties for readers

Overall 5.0

Thuy Dung Pham and Rachel please check my essay. I need your help…thanks in advance
Rate this post

livermore replied 2 years ago

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livermore replied 2 years ago

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livermore replied 2 years ago

please assess my essay.

livermore replied 2 years ago

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livermore replied 2 years ago

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livermore replied 2 years ago

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livermore replied 2 years ago

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livermore replied 2 years ago

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livermore replied 2 years ago

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livermore replied 2 years ago

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