Thuy Dung Pham and Rachel please check my essay. I need your help….

QuestionsCategory: Writing Task 2Thuy Dung Pham and Rachel please check my essay. I need your help….
Balachandhar Raghu asked 2 years ago

Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business.What do you think that is?What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the arts?

The importance of art and its relationship with our culture are inseparable from the history of human evolution.Here we are going to discuss the importance of art and analyse it fading phase from our day to day life.”Art” as the word sounds more like our heart, Yes it is something associated with our instincts and thoughts rather than the brain.Art can take various forms from architectures to sculptures and knitting to painting. Every art is unique and they represent the clan of people by whom it was created.
The advancements in technology has prevented us from enjoying the art. We stopped visiting museums and cultural houses where the art and articraft are displayed citing the lack of time.This has made our younger generation forget the importance of our culture and arts associated with them. If the forthcoming generation dont understand the importance of art then slowly our art and culture will fade away leaving no shades of existence.
                                                           The younger Generation are more inclined towards technology based entertainment rather than thought based art. Mobile phones to gaming console have become a vast addictive source in children and teenagers. These colorful simulations with more of entertainment make them glued to their devices rather than making them test their skills and improve it towards a particular art.
                                                           The education system should adopt art as an important subject with teachers to encourage children in performing arts and improving their skills towards a particular art. Art always improves a child’s imagination and generates new ideas. Considering this parents should take considerable effort for the child to get along with the art of his choice rather than constraining him to the subjects and making him run for numbers. 
 

Thuy Dung Pham and Rachel please check my essay. I need your help….
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1 Answers
Thuy Dung Pham answered 2 years ago

The importance of art and its relationship with our culture are is inseparable from the history of human evolution. Here we are going to discuss the importance of art and analyse it its fading phase from our day to day life. ”Art” as the word sounds more like our heart, Yes . Absolutely, it is something associated with our instincts and thoughts rather than the brain. Art can take various forms from architectures to sculptures and knitting to painting. Every art is unique and they represent the clan of people by whom it was created. (Unclear sentence)
The advancements in advanced technology has prevented us from enjoying the art. We stopped visiting museums and cultural houses where the art and art-craft are displayed citing the lack of time. This has made our younger generation forget the importance of our culture and arts associated with them. If the forthcoming generation don’t does not understand the importance of art then slowly our art and culture will fade away leaving no shades of existence.
 The younger Generation generation are more inclined towards technology based entertainment rather than thought based art. Mobile phones to for gaming console have become a vast addictive source in children and teenagers. These colourful simulations with more of entertainment make them glued to their devices rather than making them test their skills and improve it towards a particular art.
 The education system should adopt art as an important subject with teachers to encourage children in performing arts and improving their skills towards a particular art. Art always improves a child’s imagination and generates new ideas. Considering this parents should take considerable effort for the child to get along with the art of his choice rather than constraining him to the subjects and making him run for numbers. 
Task achievement: 6.0 (addresses all parts of the task, presents an overview with information appropriately selected)
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0 (arranges information and ideas coherently and there is a clear overall progression)
Lexical Resource: 5.5 (uses only basic and limited range of vocabulary)
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5.5 (uses a mix of simple and complex sentences but only a limited range of structures)
Overall: 5.5 (Overall, you understand the instruction but this task needs to be improved.)

Thuy Dung Pham and Rachel please check my essay. I need your help….
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