The bad influence of internet on young people. Please give me some advice. Thank you!

QuestionsCategory: OpinionThe bad influence of internet on young people. Please give me some advice. Thank you!
Emily asked 4 years ago

The internet is often harmful, especially to young people, due to the amount and type of information people can access. To what extend do you agree?
  According to recently reports, the rise of internet has created bad impact on human life, particularly, on children. This essay entirely agrees with this point of view. Initially, this essay will discusses about the drawback of social media before going to analyze the harm of game online.
  Without doubt, our life nowadays depends too much on social media, especially teenagers. As a result, they are no longer prefer direct communication and spend less care to people around. Instead, young people are likely to share their life contents on social media and desire unreal fame by pretending to be a different person with unreal personality . A recently research of Oxford University shows that 86% of people under the age of 30 use social media everyday and over three fifth of them use it more than three hours a day.
  Furthermore, due to the growth of technology, game online is more and more popular as well as uncontrolled. That is to say students are more prefer sitting in front of the computer than going outside or playing sport. Disturbingly, children nowadays are more inactive, unhealthier and lazier. In China, there are several camps treating Internet addiction for children because of the large number of young addicts increases every years.
  In conclusion, despite of the unarguable benefits from internet, there are a lot of serious consequences related to this innovation, which can badly affects teenagers’ habits and perception.

1 Answers
Thuy Dung Pham answered 4 years ago

According to recently recent reports, the rise of internet has created bad impact impacts on human life, particularly, on children. This essay entirely agrees with this point of view. Initially, this essay will discusses about the drawback of social media before going to analyze the harm of game online will be discussed.
  Without doubt Undoubtedly, our life nowadays depends too much on social media, especially teenagers. As a result, they are no longer prefer direct communication and spend less care to people around. Instead, young people are likely to share their life contents on social media and desire unreal fame by pretending to be a different person with unreal personality . A recently research of Oxford University shows that 86% of people under the age of 30 use social media everyday and over three fifth of them use it more than three hours a day.
  Furthermore, due to the growth of technology, game online is more and more popular as well as uncontrolled. That is to say students are more prefer sitting prefer sitting in front of the computer than to going outside or playing sport. Disturbingly  Moreover, children nowadays are more inactive, unhealthier and lazier. In China, there are several camps treating Internet addiction for children because of the increasing large number of young addicts increases every years year.
  In conclusion, despite of the unarguable benefits from internet, there are a lot of serious consequences related to this innovation, which can badly affects teenagers’ habits and perception.
Feedback
Task achievement: 6.5 (addresses all parts of the task although some parts may be more fully covered than others)
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5 (arranges information and ideas coherently, has a clear overall progression, and uses appropriate examples to develop the ideas)
Lexical Resource: 5.5 (uses a limited range of vocabulary, makes some errors in spelling and inaccuracy)
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5.5 (uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, makes some minor errors in grammar)
Overall: 6.0 (good organisation and good ideas, need to use more academic vocabulary and complex sentences)

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