Rachel and Thuy Dung Pham, please check my essay and give me remarks my exam is on 16th, Februray..You know I am preparing for Ielts at my home and you are only tutor from who I can check my essays.

QuestionsCategory: Writing Task 2Rachel and Thuy Dung Pham, please check my essay and give me remarks my exam is on 16th, Februray..You know I am preparing for Ielts at my home and you are only tutor from who I can check my essays.
Arora asked 3 years ago

Nowadays, all town planning should include public parks, sports facilities and shopping malls. Do you agree or disagree.
The infrastructure of the country is undoubtly a great concern to both government and its citizens. It is argued that wheather government  should be included public parks, sports and  shopping facilities or not.In my perspective, I believe that such features would not only give benefit to individuals but also to our society.
First of all, both public parks and sports centres are brought on healthy life style in our communities. As, these are the places where people usually go to get rid from their anxious life schedule, sports  centres do not  attract younsters to take part in games but also discourage them to indulge into drug addiction. While going to public parks individuals can make new friends. Secondly, As proverb goes “Shopping is essential part of human being in order to survive on the planet”. In fact, food,garments and other thing are required to spend life span , all these things we can buy only from shopping centres. Therefore, having such amenities in our surroundings will not be only made our life easy but also area where these facilities will be there considered perfect.
However, many experts believe that construstion of these buildings could be brought on scarisity of land because which proprotion of land will be covered by such buildings might be used to build a wide accommodation complex, it gives place to live.
In conclusion, it is quite obvious that providing such facilitites could bring more advantages than harms, availability of all these facilities make life of inhabitants better as well as convenient.

Arora replied 3 years ago

Please admin check it and thanks in advance. I can hope you will check it early.

1 Answers
Rachel Evans answered 3 years ago

The infrastructure of the country is undoubtedly a great concern to both government and its citizens. It is argued that wheather government should be included public parks, sports and shopping facilities or not. In my perspective, I believe that such features would not only give benefit to individuals but also to our/ the society.
First of all, both public parks and sports centres are brought on* healthy life style in our communities. As, these are the places where people usually go to get rid from** their anxious life schedule, sports centres do not attract youngsters to take part in games but also discourage them to indulge into drug addiction. While going to public parks individuals can make new friends. Secondly, as proverb goes “Shopping is essential part of human being in order to survive on the planet”. In fact, food, garments and other thing are required to spend life span (?!), all these things we can buy only from shopping centres. Therefore, having such amenities in our surroundings will not be only made makes our life easy but also area where these facilities will be there considered perfect. (should be rewritten)
* bring on – often used to indicate something negative
** get rid of
However, many experts believe that construstion construction of these buildings could be brought on scarisity (scarcity) – W.Choice of land because which the proprotion of land that will be covered by such buildings might be used to build a wide accommodation complex, it gives place to live.
In conclusion, it is quite obvious that providing such facilitites facilities could bring more advantages than harms, availability of all these facilities make life of inhabitants better as well as convenient.
TA – 4.5

  • address parts of the task
  • weak reasoning and not always clear

CC – 4.5

  • weak coherence

LR – 6.0

  • make some noticeable errors in spelling, word choice
  • attempt to use less common words/ collocations but they tend to be less accurate
  • limited range of vocab

GRA – 5.0

  • use only limit range of structures
  • errors in grammar

Overall 5.0

Arora replied 3 years ago

Please admin check it and thanks in advance. I can hope you will check it early.

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