please help me evaluate my writing

QuestionsCategory: Writing Task 2please help me evaluate my writing
Thien_bui asked 1 year ago

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology.
In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make?
Has this become a positive or negative development?
 
In modern society, almost people communicate with others through mailing instead of writing letter because of the advantage of technology. By many ways, it seems to be impact directly to people’s life. This essay will reveal both benefits and drawbacks of this development.
On the one hand, the advantage of technology supplies comfortable life for people, especially interaction aspect. First of all, people can keep in touch with each others from long distance by using telephone. It is unlikely old-time, communications are quickly occured at anytime, anywhere. For example, an Asia student who is studying oversea can immediately contact to his family by making a call. Secondly, technology help everyone save their time. Nowadays, people spend almost their time working because of high demand of job. As a result, with the convenience of technology, they can both relax and chat with friends in their short free time.
As it is a reality that advantages and disadvantages are like both sides of a coin, which usually runs paralle. So like other things technology development also have some downsides, like people are facing some health problems for instance, poor-eye-sight, back ache. Moreover, people are becoming weaker in their physical health and afraid of communicating with others. Particularly, today’s teenagers usually prefer to spend their time on chatting rather than to participating in other outside activities.
To conclude, nobody can deny that technology is one of the most modernized and most successful tools, especially for communication, but this development becoming useful or not totally depends on people.
 

please help me evaluate my writing
Rate this post

1 Answers
Rachel Evans answered 1 year ago

In modern society, almost (Word choice) people communicate with others through mailing instead of writing letter because of the advantage of technology. By many ways, it seems to be directly impact to on/ have direct impacts on people’s life. This essay will reveal both benefits and drawbacks of this development.
On the one hand, the advantage of technology supplies comfortable life for people, especially interaction aspect. First of all, people can keep in touch with each others from long distance by using telephone. It is unlikely the old-time, communications are quickly occurred at anytime, anywhere. For example, an Asia student who is studying oversea can immediately contact to his family by making a call. Secondly, technology helps everyone save their time. Nowadays, people spend almost their time working because of high demand of job. As a result, with the convenience of technology, they can both relax and chat with friends in their short free time.
As it is a reality that advantages and disadvantages are like both sides of a coin, which usually runs parallel. So like other things technology development also have some downsides, like people are facing some health problems, for instance, poor-eye-sight, back-ache. Moreover, people are becoming weaker in their physical health and afraid of communicating with others. Particularly, today’s teenagers usually prefer to spend their time on chatting rather than to participating in other outside activities.
To conclude, nobody can deny that technology is one of the most modernized and most successful (in this context, you only need 1 most) tools, especially for communication, but this development becoming useful or not totally depends on people.
—————————
Overall 5.5
Your essay may be off topic. They asked How and about Positive/ Negative but not benefits and drawbacks of this trend. Your arguments directly addressing the task question are still weak and bit too far.

please help me evaluate my writing
Rate this post

Get more stuff like this
in your inbox

Subscribe to our mailing list and get interesting stuff and updates to your email inbox.