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QuestionsCategory: Problem-Solutionplease help me evaluate my writing
adiya asked 1 year ago

Art is considered an essential part of all culture throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology, and business. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the art?
Art is considerable cultural heritage that depicts uniqueness and mirrors national features, traditions and customs. Although its significance, engaging of people and their interest in art are in decline recent years, while more importance is given to science and technology. Some causes for this ignorance can be identified, but there are some solutions to turn this view. 
There are several primary reasons why attention and attitude towards turned into technical areas. Firstly, art is the occupation that does not guarantee high salary. People tend to study sought after professions like scientist, that are more indispensable and in-demand in society. Secondly, human beings are considerably dependent on technologies, as gadgets facilitate daily tasks, medical service helps to prevent and cure diseases and generally make our life more convenient. Observing benefits and achievements of technologies people started developing science spheres. Due to these opportunities mankind prefer technical and business skills, rather that artistic abilities.
Some activities can be taken to solve problem. To  begin with, government should support art galleries and art related subjects in school in order to increase awareness of its importance and establish artistic skills among children. Likewise, emotional appeals , performances of musicals, operas and plays can motivate  and create desire in society to develop arts. Unfortunately, people are busy, having congested schedule  and are not able to visit museums and galleries at their spare time. Hence, administration can open cultural centers at night and arrange events, that will give opportunities to visit them at weekends. Those solutions can improve current situation and alter attitude towards art into positive. 
To sum up, art is a fundamental part of lifestyle that lost its popularity. However, with the right steps of government and individuals the problem will be solved.
 

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1 Answers
Rachel Evans answered 1 year ago

Art is considerable cultural heritage that depicts uniqueness and mirrors national features, traditions and customs. Although (Word choice – Coherence device)/ Despite its significance, engaging of people and their interest in art are is in decline recent years, while more importance is given to science and technology. Some causes for this ignorance can be identified, but there are some solutions to turn this view. 
There are several primary reasons why [people’s] attention and attitude towards [art] turned into technical areas. Firstly, art is the occupation that does not guarantee high salary. People tend to study sought after (?!) professions like scientist, that which are more indispensable and in-demand in society. Secondly, human beings are considerably dependent on technologies, as gadgets facilitate daily tasks, medical service helps to prevent and cure diseases and generally make our life more convenient. Observing benefits and achievements of technologies people started developing science spheres. Due to these opportunities mankind prefer technical and business skills, rather that artistic abilities. (should pay attention to punctuation, where should/ shouldn’t have commas)
Some [activities]/ actions can be taken to solve problem. To begin with, government should support art galleries and art related subjects in school in order to increase awareness of its importance and establish artistic skills among children. Likewise, emotional appeals, performances of musicals, operas and plays can motivate and create desire in society to develop arts. Unfortunately, people are busy, having congested schedule and are not able to visit museums and galleries at (word choice) their spare time. Hence, administration (units) can (should) open cultural centers at night and arrange events, that which will give opportunities to visit them at weekends (for smb to V…). Those solutions can improve current situation and alter attitude towards art into positive. 
To sum up, art is a fundamental part of lifestyle that [has] lost its popularity. However, with the right steps of government and individuals, the problem will be solved.
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Overall 6.0 (TA 65 CC 6 LR 6 GRA 55)

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