Please help me correct this essay!!!

QuestionsCategory: Writing Task 2Please help me correct this essay!!!
priya505 asked 9 months ago

Task-The development of tourism contributed to English becoming the most prominent language in the world. Some people think this will lead to English becoming the only language to be spoken globally. What are the advantages and disadvantages to having one language in the world.
Essay:
Among the developments of tourism, they have prioritized English becoming the highly important language in all over the world. Few people are worried and thought that the English will become the only spoken language. Speaking a common language in entire world is appreciable, but also it has few drawbacks to be considered.
 
On one hand, making a common language to be spoken in the world provides better communications in between people. For example, people or organizations living in different parts of the world, when there is a problem to be debated, having similar language will lead to better understanding. Another crucial point to be considered is migrations from one country to other will be increased tremendously if a particular language is spoken in all over the world. This is because many people do not travel to other countries for their jobs or study purpose in consideration of different languages spoken over there and this can be completely overcome if one language is established all over the world.
 
On the other hand, despite of above mentioned positive aspects, there are also few drawbacks to be accounted. Speaking a similar language will slowly demolish many of local languages spoken years together. This will lead to closure and burial of many holy books and documentations written in local languages. Adversely, language oriented traditions followed from long back will get vanished. One more vital point to be considered is many of institutions or universities which teach local languages for improving their prominence will get emptied and have many consequential effects.
 
To conclude, after contributions to English for becoming the important language in the world, commonly spoken language has its own positive and negative points to be considered.

Please help me correct this essay!!!
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1 Answers
Thuy Dung Pham answered 8 months ago

Among the developments of tourism, they have prioritized English becoming the highly important language in all over the world. Few people are worried and thought that the English will become the only spoken language. Speaking a common language in entire world is appreciable, but also it has few drawbacks to be considered.
 
On one hand, making a common language to be spoken in the world provides better communications in between people. For example, people or organizations living in different parts of the world, when there is a problem to be debated, having similar language will lead to better understanding. Another crucial point to be considered is migrations from one country to other will be increased tremendously if a particular language is spoken in all over the world. This is because many people do not travel to other countries for their jobs or study purpose in consideration of different languages spoken over there and this can be completely overcome if one language is established all over the world.
 
On the other hand, despite of above mentioned positive aspects, there are also few drawbacks to be accounted. Speaking a similar language will slowly demolish many of local languages spoken years together. This will lead to closure and burial of many holy books and documentations written in local languages. Adversely, language oriented traditions followed from long back will get vanished. One more vital point to be considered is many of institutions or universities which teach local languages for improving their prominence will get emptied and have many consequential effects.
 
To conclude, after contributions to English for becoming the important language in the world, commonly spoken language has its own positive and negative points to be considered.
Task achievement: 6.0 (presents a relevant position but some may be inadequately developed/unclear and the conclusions may become repetitive)
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0 (arranges information and ideas coherently and there is a clear overall progression)
Lexical Resource: 6.0 (attempts to use less common vocabulary)
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6.0 (uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, makes some minor errors in grammar)
Overall: 6.0 (You have very good ideas and good idea development. This essay is a bit long. You need to improve how to write more logically, precise, and concise)

Please help me correct this essay!!!
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