Please evaluate my writing task 2_ discussion essay _topic sport

QuestionsCategory: DicussionPlease evaluate my writing task 2_ discussion essay _topic sport
Diễm Quỳnh asked 3 years ago

Extreme sports have evolved as a major concern in modern society due to the huge numbers of risks involved. While some people think that government should prohibit those sports, I would contend that such a policy would be off out all proportion to this phenomenon.
There is a common belief that the risk elements of certain sports are antecedent reasons for such a ban. Advocates of banning policy argue that more injuries and deaths increase even though participants are equipped with necessary devices. For instance, sky-divers are more prone to the risks associated faulty equipment that could render them vulnerable than any other ordinary sports. In addition, playing extreme sports cost a fortune, which derives from the sports itself and the related accidents. Preventing such a consequence by imposing an official ban would not only reduce the harm to the economic benefit of society but also lower the possibility of physical or emotional harm for those participates in the dangerous games.
 
However, I am convinced that people should have their autonomy to play any sports that they want, regardless of their dangers.   Firstly, those who are eligible to participate a dangerous sport could have the ability to gain more impressive personal achievements. For example, an individual could win internal awards, such as affirmation and satisfaction that come from one’s effort to overcome the challenges.   Besides, there is an ethical concern which dictates that one should have the freedom to pursue any extreme challenges, given that he or she is fully aware of the hazards related. This further makes adults who decide to take part in risky sports to be more responsible for their involvements and consequences of such participation.
To conclude, although government’s restriction of extreme sports is worthwhile in the view of some people, I firmly believe that the individual freedom of participating in risky sports should be ensured.

1 Answers
Nam Phuong answered 3 years ago

Extreme sports have evolved as a major concern in modern society due to the huge numbers of risks involved. While some people think that government should prohibit those sports, I would contend that such a policy would be off out all proportion to this phenomenon.
There is a common belief that the risk elements of certain sports are antecedent reasons for such a ban. Advocates of banning policy argue that more injuries and deaths increase even though participants are equipped with necessary devices. For instance, sky-divers are more prone to the risks associated (with) faulty equipment that could render them vulnerable than any other ordinary sports. In addition, playing extreme sports cost a fortune, which derives from the sports itself and the related accidents. Preventing such a consequence by imposing an official ban would not only reduce the harm to the economic benefit of society but also lower the possibility of physical or emotional harm (injuries/ side effects) for those participates in the dangerous games.

However, I am convinced that people should have their autonomy (rights) to play any sports that they want, regardless of their dangers.   Firstly, those who are eligible to participate (in) a dangerous sport could have the ability to gain more impressive personal achievements. For example, an individual could win internal awards, such as affirmation and satisfaction that come from one’s effort to overcome the challenges.   Besides, there is an ethical concern which dictates that one should have the freedom to pursue any extreme challenges, given (the fact) that he or she is fully aware of the hazards related. This further makes adults who decide to take part in risky sports to be more responsible for their involvements and consequences of such participation.
To conclude, although government’s restriction of extreme sports is worthwhile in the view of some people, I firmly believe that the individual freedom of participating in risky sports should be ensured.

T.R: 8.0

  • sufficiently address all parts of the task

C.C: 8.0

  • clear progression throughout

L.R: 8.0

  • use sufficient range of vocabulary

G.A: 8.0

  • use mix of simple and complex structure
  • some minor errors.

Overall: 8.0

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