please evaluate my score

QuestionsCategory: Writing Task 2please evaluate my score
Thien_bui asked 1 year ago

At most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing.
What factors contribute to job satisfaction?
How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?
 
Nowadays, job satisfaction plays a crucial role in the each person’s life because it directly impacts to indidual feelings about his or her whole life. In order to to get that satisfaction, almost people spend a high proportion of their time at work by different reasons.
In today’s modernized era, there is a variety of factors which contribute to job satisfaction. Firstly, some people feel satisfied with their life when they are doing such a valued and valuable job which highly contributes to the community. For example, a person working for charity organisation feels pleased with the job because they will become helpful to the society by helping others. Secondly, the others will only be satisfied with their jobs if those jobs give them more chances to develop their skills. As a result, rewards will be added to whom advance in their position which bring more profit to the company.
On the other hand, not everyone enjoys their works. Some groups of people feel disappointed because they may waste time in boring and repetitive jobs. In some cases, some employees are working in a position which is suitable neither their skill nor their personality. For instance, a man who is a speaker of great eloquence has to work as a secretary due to his company assignment. Besides, depending on the economy of some countries, people have minority of choices the job they intend to get.
To conclude, although it is unlikely that all employees do feel happy with their jobs, any job can be improved and more worker have either positive feelings or job satisfaction if factors mentioned are pratical.

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2 Answers
bee answered 1 year ago

Nowadays, job satisfaction plays a crucial role in the each person’s life because it directly impacts to indidual feelings about his or her whole life. In order to to get that satisfaction, almost people spend a high proportion of their time at work by different reasons. In today’s modernized era, there is(are) a variety of factors which contribute to job satisfaction. Firstly, some people feel satisfied with their life when they are doing such a valued and valuable(?) job which highly contributes to the community. For example, a person working for charity organisation feels pleased with the job because they will become helpful to the society by helping others. Secondly, the others will only be satisfied with their jobs if those jobs give them more chances to develop their skills. As a result, rewards will be added to whom advance in their position which bring more profit to the company. On the other hand, not everyone enjoys their works. Some groups of people feel disappointed because they may waste time in boring and repetitive jobs. In some cases, some employees are working in a position which is suitable neither their skill nor their personality. For instance, a man who is a speaker of great eloquence has to work as a secretary due to his company assignment. Besides, depending on the economy of some countries, people have minority of choices the job they intend to get. To conclude, although it is unlikely that all employees do feel happy with their jobs, any job can be improved and more worker have either positive feelings or job satisfaction if factors mentioned are pratical.
 
P.S.: 1- Find synonims with the simlar meaning for the words , which repeated in your essay!!!(it is essential)
2- Work on your grammar!
3- Try to think widely and see the situation from different sights ….
 

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Rachel Evans answered 1 year ago

Nowadays, job satisfaction plays a crucial role in the each person’s life because it directly impacts to individual feelings about his or her whole life. In order to to get that satisfaction, almost people spend a high proportion of their time at work by different reasons. (?) / This introduction failed to introduce what you are going to write in the body paragraph in detail. This has only suggested the major topic (job satisfaction), but the factors, expectation..
In today’s modernized era, there is a variety of factors which contribute to job satisfaction. Firstly, some people feel satisfied with their life when they are doing such a valued and valuable job (word choice) which highly contributes to the community. For example, a person working for charity organisation feels pleased with the his/ her job because they he/ she will become helpful to the society by helping others. Secondly, the others will only be satisfied with their jobs if those jobs give them more chances to develop their skills. [As a result, rewards will be added (word choice) to whom (word choice) advance in their position which bring more profit to the company.]Incoherent and unclear
On the other hand, not everyone enjoys their works. Some groups of people feel disappointed because they may waste time in boring and repetitive jobs. In some cases, some employees are working in a position which is suitable neither their skill nor their personality. For instance, a man who is a speaker of great eloquence has to work as a secretary due to his company assignment. Besides, depending on the economy of some countries, people have minority of choices the job they intend to get.(this part is not clear and hard to understand)
To conclude, although it is unlikely that all employees do feel happy with their jobs, any job can be improved and more worker have either positive feelings or job satisfaction if factors mentioned are practical.
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TA – 4.5 (All points of the task question were mentioned, but none was sufficiently and properly addressed)
CC – 4.5 (Connection bw/ paragraphs and sentences is loose)
LR – 5.0 (only basic vocabulary and with a lot of repetition. Word choice is not always appropriate)
GRA – 5.0
Overall 4.5

please evaluate my score
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