Please critic my answer to this Task 2 question. Your help could help me improve my writing.

QuestionsCategory: Advantage/DisadvantagePlease critic my answer to this Task 2 question. Your help could help me improve my writing.
novem_abellana asked 3 years ago

There has been a dramatic growth in the number of people studying at universities in the last few decades. While some people see this as a positive trend which raises the general level of education within the community, others fear that it is lowering the quality of education.

What are the advantages and disadvantages of the increase in student numbers at university?

Some believe that the significant increase of student’s population in universities is a positive effect because it boosts the broad level of education, while others are anxious that this trend is depressing the quality of education. This essay will suggest that increase competitiveness of students is the main advantage of this occurrence and an environment where learning is not conducive is the primary disadvantage.
 
A school that has more students can benefit the increase of competition between them. They can share various ideas, raise the level of standards and produce graduates that are well-trained and valuable to the society. A recent ranking amongst schools worldwide concluded that 50% of overpopulated schools like Harvard University and Oxford University has produced world leaders in business and politics.
 
Despite these advantages, overcrowded classes halt the student’s learning process. This is due to the increasing number of students in a class, which results in an abhorrent level of noise and less space to move, especially on kinetic activities. As a result, students loses focus because they can no longer hear what the teacher is discussing and they miss performances such as sharing of talents and movie role-playing. For instance, in the Philippines, it was surveyed that 30% of students reasoned out that they were having difficulties in learning useful subjects such Literature, Science and Mathematics because of the loaded classrooms.
 
In conclusion, the overpopulation of students can be advantageous in raising the competition in leaving schools with high accolades but the drawbacks of a large crowd can interfere their studies and dreams.
 

novem_abellana replied 3 years ago

Thank you so much Madam Rachel ^_^

Rachel replied 3 years ago

You are welcome.
Best of luck!~

1 Answers
Rachel Evans answered 3 years ago

Some believe that the significant increase of student’s population in universities is a positive effect because it boosts the broad level of education, while others are anxious that this trend is depressing the quality of education. This essay will suggest that increase competitiveness of students is the main advantage of this occurrence and an environment where learning is not conductive (typo) is the primary disadvantage.

A school that has more students can benefit the increase of competition between among them. They can share various ideas, raise the level of standards and produce graduates that are well-trained and valuable to the society. A recent ranking amongst schools worldwide concluded that 50% of overpopulated schools like Harvard University and Oxford University has produced world leaders in business and politics.

Despite these advantages, overcrowded classes halt the student’s learning process. This is due to the increasing number of students in a class, which results in an abhorrent level of noise and less space to move, especially on kinetic activities. As a result, students loses focus because they can no longer hear what the teacher is discussing and they miss performances (?!) such as sharing of talents and movie role-playing. For instance, in the Philippines, it was surveyed that 30% of students reasoned out that they were having difficulties in learning useful subjects such as Literature, Science and Mathematics because of the loaded classrooms.
(This is more of general high-schools’ matter rather than universities’)
In conclusion, the overpopulation of students can be advantageous in raising the competition competitiveness in leaving schools with high accolades, but the drawbacks of a large crowd can interfere their studies and dreams.
—————————–
Hi, novem_abellana
Overall 6.5 (TA – 6.5; LR – 6.5; GRA – 6.5; CC – 6.5)

  • Should be more careful on word choice, and subject-verb agreement.

novem_abellana replied 3 years ago

Thank you so much Madam Rachel ^_^

Rachel replied 3 years ago

You are welcome.
Best of luck!~

Get more stuff like this
in your inbox

Subscribe to our mailing list and get interesting stuff and updates to your email inbox.