please could you help me check and score my writing task 2 :)

QuestionsCategory: Opinionplease could you help me check and score my writing task 2 :)
yusuf asked 4 years ago

The first car appeared on British roads in 1988. By the year 2000 there may be as many as 29 million vehicles on British roads. Alternative forms of transport should be encouraged and international laws introduced to control car ownership and use.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Answer:
       In recent years many people have a car. Because car price is down and people want to comfortable transport from work to home. When cars numbers are risen, many problems which are pollution, traffic jam and many car accidents will be appeared. So I think governments make laws for cars and users and push people to other transport forms.
        I want to begin with bad effects of cars numbers are risen. Firstly they produce many air pollution gas from burning oil. The gas affect to atmosphere. So people, animals and habitats have lack of essential gases such as oxygen. Other effect is traffic jam and it is affected to human behaviours. If governments or other authorites don’t made enough road, traffic jam always happened then they effect human fells. For example, when person wait in long time in the traffic jam,he/she mad for other humans quickly. Last effect is car accidents. In the research, it is second reason for killing people.
         Those effects show that all countries’ governments make something. I think first of all they made laws which have punishment for people and manual for cars. Because many people afraid of laws and traffic ticket. Secondly they make a lot of transport forms such as metro, city buses or ferry. Because they produce less pollution and they are cheaper than cars. Last thing is that they insure security for people.
        To sum up, I agree to governments or other authorized council make laws and they do that people willing to use alternative forms of transport.
(260 words)
Thank you very much..

livermore replied 4 years ago

make laws – legislate laws…

eminyusuf replied 4 years ago

please check it ????

eminyusuf replied 4 years ago

please check it ????

eminyusuf replied 4 years ago

please check it ????

1 Answers
Rachel Evans answered 4 years ago

 
       In recent years many people have a car. Because car’s price is down and people want to comfortable comfortably transport (travel/ commute…) from work to home. When cars numbers are risen raised, many problems which are pollution, traffic jam and many car accidents will be appeared appear. So I think governments (should) make laws for cars and users and push people to other transport forms.
        I want to begin with bad effects of cars numbers are risen. Firstly they produce many air pollution gas (S-V agreement?!) from burning oil. The gas affect to the atmosphere. So people, animals and habitats have lack of essential gases such as oxygen. Other effect is traffic jam and it is affected to human behaviours. If governments or other authorites don’t do not made enough road, traffic jam always happened then they effect human fells. For example, when a person wait in long time in the traffic jam, he/she mad for other humans quickly. Last effect is car accidents. In the research, it is second reason for killing people.
         Those effects show that all countries’ governments make something. I think first of all they made laws which have punishment for people and manual for cars. Because many people are afraid of laws and traffic ticket. Secondly they make a lot of transport forms such as metro, city buses or ferry. Because they produce less pollution and they are cheaper than cars. Last thing is that they insure security for people.
        To sum up, I agree to governments or other authorized council make laws and they do that people willing to use alternative forms of transport.
(260 words)
Task achievement – 5.0

  • address the task only partially,
  • ideas are not very well developed

Coherence and Cohesion – 5.0

  • present information with some organization but there may be lack of overall progression
  • may be repetitive

Lexical resource – 4.5

  • use a limited range of vocabulary
  • make noticeable errors in spelling, collocation

Grammatical range and accuracy – 5.0

  • use limited range of structures

Overall – 5.0

livermore replied 4 years ago

make laws – legislate laws…

eminyusuf replied 4 years ago

please check it ????

eminyusuf replied 4 years ago

please check it ????

eminyusuf replied 4 years ago

please check it ????

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