Please could you assess my writing part. Thank you

QuestionsCategory: DicussionPlease could you assess my writing part. Thank you
Diễm Quỳnh asked 3 years ago

Topic: Some students take one year off between finishing school and going to university, in order to travel or to work. Do you think advantages outweigh disadvantages
In the modern age, taking a gap year between high school and university has become a prevalent and publicly recognized phenomenon. Although it is often believed that this practice brings several drawbacks, I would contend that the advantages are weightier.

On the one hand, there are some reasons to think that a short break before going to university is unbeneficial. The most obvious drawback that students face with opportunity cost for the time spending on traveling or on working. This means that students who take a year off would graduate one year later than they would otherwise, leading to possible loss of wages. In addition, taking a short break is likely to increase the procrastination of attaining the university. This can be explained by the fact that students have less motivation to going to class after traveling to other countries or having jobs, thus making this practice to be detrimental to student’s benefits.

One the other hand, I am convinced that having a gap year would bring significant merits for students. The primary advantage is that the exposure to different cultures and working environments would provide them valuable knowledge. Therefore, students can apply new insight of various aspects to their academic performances. Another substantial advantage derives from the experiences that students can obtain through volunteering and working. To illustrate this point, learning more skills and accruing practical lessons within the break could help them have well-paid jobs in the future as they quickly acquire job prospects than others.

To conclude, I firmly believe that taking is associated with enormous benefits, far outweighing the disadvantages. Students who decide to have a gap year before the university can gain comprehensive knowledge and experiences, which are highly justifiable for their future development.

2 Answers
Nam Phuong answered 3 years ago

Topic: Some students take one year off between finishing school and going to university, in order to travel or to work. Do you think advantages outweigh disadvantages
In the modern age, taking a gap year between high school and university has become a prevalent and publicly recognized phenomenon. Although it is often believed that this practice brings several drawbacks, I would contend that the advantages are weightier.

On the one hand, there are some reasons to think that a short break before going to university is unbeneficial. The most obvious drawback that students (would) face with opportunity cost for the time spending on traveling or on working. This means that students who take a year off would graduate one year later than they would otherwise, leading to possible loss of wages. In addition, taking a short break is likely to increase the procrastination of attaining the university. This can be explained by the fact that students have less motivation to going (go) to class after traveling to other countries or having jobs, thus making this practice to be detrimental to student’s benefits.

One the other hand, I am convinced that having a gap year would bring significant merits for students. The primary advantage is that the exposure to different cultures and working environments would provide them valuable knowledge. Therefore, students can apply new insight of various aspects to their academic performances. Another substantial advantage derives from the experiences that students can obtain through volunteering and working. To illustrate this point, learning more skills and accruing practical lessons within the break could help them have well-paid jobs in the future as they quickly acquire job prospects than others.

To conclude, I firmly believe that taking is associated with enormous benefits, far outweighing the disadvantages. Students who decide to have a gap year before the university can gain comprehensive knowledge and experiences, which are highly justifiable for their future development.

T.R: 8.5

  • well addressed all parts of the task with supported ideas

C.C: 8.0

  • sequences information and ideas logically

L.R: 8.0

  • good use of wide range of vocabulary

G.A: 8.0

  • good use of complex structure

Overall: 8.0

Great job! Keep it up!

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