Please could you assess my writing part. Thank you!

QuestionsCategory: Problem-SolutionPlease could you assess my writing part. Thank you!
meir asked 3 years ago

Question:
People who live in large cities face a range of problems in their daily life.
What are the most significant of these problems?
How can these problems be tackled?

Answer:
These days, people have to deal with many issues by living in large cities. Although it is said that large cities give a lot of opportunities to develop, many people think about relocating to countryside. In this essay, I will look closer to the problems that big cities face and propose solutions.
One of the worrying issue is that people have to cope with traffic congestion on a daily basis. It may take many hours to get to desired destinations sometimes, so that many cancellations of orders or meetings occur. In my opinion, government should invest more on public transport to increase the number of them and make the cost of tickets affordable for workers with average income.
Another problem is the air pollution created by plague of petrol cars. According to statistics from BBC, the number of people who suffer from breathe-related problems like asthma have been growing at an alarming rate, especially in large cities like Shanghai. To tackle this problem, government should increase the price for fuel to encourage people to use bicycles instead of cars to get to work.
Third problem is lack of green spaces. Government usually try to build more business and amusement centers forgetting about public places like zoos and parks. This could be great play facilities for children. A way forward would be to government to pay more attention on green zones while planning the infrastructure of the city.
To sum up, living a large city is a great challenge for many people all over the world. They have to cope with many problems like air pollution, traffic congestion and lack of green areas in a daily life. In my opinion, unless the government will take steps to rectify these problems, the situation will get worse.

1 Answers
Nam Phuong answered 3 years ago

Question:
People who live in large cities face a range of problems in their daily life.
What are the most significant of these problems?
How can these problems be tackled?

Answer:
These days, people have to deal with many issues by living in large cities. Although it is said that large cities give a lot of opportunities to develop, many people think about relocating to countryside. In this essay, I will look closer to the problems that big cities face (are currently facing with) and propose solutions.
One of the worrying issue is that people have to cope with traffic congestion on a daily basis. It may take many hours to get to desired destinations sometimes, so that many cancellations (cancels) of orders or meetings occur. In my opinion, government should invest more on public transport to increase the number of them (public vehicles) and make the cost of tickets affordable for (to) workers with average income.
Another problem is the air pollution created by plague of petrol cars. According to statistics from BBC, the number of people who suffer from breathe-related problems like asthma have (has) been growing at an alarming rate, especially in large cities like Shanghai. To tackle this problem, government should increase the price for fuel to encourage people to use bicycles instead of cars to get to work.
Third problem is lack of green spaces. Government usually try to build more business and amusement centers forgetting  about (without considering setting up) public places like zoos and parks. This could be great play (playing) facilities for children. A way forward would be to (for) government to pay more attention on (to) green zones while planning the infrastructure of the city.
To sum up, living a large city is a great challenge for many people all over the world. They have to cope with many problems like air pollution, traffic congestion and lack of green areas in a daily life. In my opinion, unless the government will take steps to rectify these problems, the situation will get worse.

T.R: 7.5

  • address all parts of the task
  • however, it would be better if you dig more into the main ideas by giving enough supported information and ideas.

C.C:7.0

  • logically organize ideas
  • clear progression throughout

L.R: 6.5

  • you should use wider range of vocabulary

G.A: 7.0

  • some minor mistakes need to be paid attention to

Overall: 7.0

Good job!

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