Please check my writing task 1…I really want to know at which band I am!!!

QuestionsCategory: Writing Task 1Please check my writing task 1…I really want to know at which band I am!!!
livermore asked 11 months ago


 
The supplied chart gives data on distribution of fortune by several countries and percentage of global population.
It can be clearly illustrated that China is most populated region (just under 25 %) were as The Pacific Asia, India and Europe accounted for the second largest percentage. All countries results are very similar to each other(16%, approximately 16 % and 15% respectively) Africa has lowest population rates 10 percent while that of Latin America/Caribbean is 2% lower. The most lowest population figures belonged to The Rich Asia and North America. Both countries percent almost the same. In comparision to internation wealth, North America and Europe people have the highest fortune (nearly 35% and 30% percent in accordance) The following is Rich Pacific countries. Their global wealth is approximately 24% which is the same proportion to that of China`s population figures. The Latin American/ Caribbean, China and Asia Pacific total result of fortune are 4%, 3%  and 2% accordingly were as Africa and India are the most poorest countries. Namely, both of them are 1%.
Overall, the all dates are presented in descending order, with the highest percent listed at the top of the column and the lowest number listed last of the bottom of the column.

Please check my writing task 1…I really want to know at which band I am!!!
5 (100%) 1 vote

1 Answers
Thuy Dung Pham answered 11 months ago

The supplied provided/given chart below gives data/gives information/demonstrates on about distribution of fortune distribution by of several countries and the percentage of global population for which they account.
(Overall trend???) It can be clearly illustrated that China is most populated region (just (non-academic) under 25 % (never use symbols!!!) percent were as whereas followed by The Pacific Asia, India and Europe accounted for the second largest percentage. All countries results are very similar to each other(16 percent, approximately 16 percent and 15 percent, respectively) Africa has lowest population rates 10 percent while that of Latin America/Caribbean is 2% lower. The most lowest population (???) figures belonged to The Rich Asia and North America. Both countries percent almost the same. In comparision to international wealth, North America and Europe people have the highest fortune (nearly 35% and 30% percent accordingly in accordance) The following is Rich Pacific countries. Their global wealth is approximately 24% which is the same proportion to that of China`s population figures. The Latin American/ Caribbean, China and Asia Pacific total result of fortune are 4%, 3%  and 2% accordingly were as Africa and India are the most poorest countries. Namely, both of them are 1%.
Overall, the all dates are presented in descending order, with the highest percent listed at the top of the column and the lowest number listed last of the bottom of the column. (?!)
Feedback
Task achievement: 4.0 (lack of overall trend, lack of comments/comparison/contrast, basically just list out the statistics, too many unnecessary details)
Cohesion and coherence: 4.0 (lack of cohesive device, the essay is very fragmented, no flow)
Lexical resource: 4.0 (simple vocabs, lack of comparative vocab)
Grammar Range and Accuracy: 4.0 (simple sentences, lack of flexibility)

Please check my writing task 1…I really want to know at which band I am!!!
5 (100%) 1 vote

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