Please check my task 2 General Training

QuestionsCategory: Writing Task 2Please check my task 2 General Training
alex888 asked 5 months ago

Being a celebrity – such a famous film star or sports personality – problems as well as benefits.
Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?
Give reasons to your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.
Write at least 250 words.
Being famous is the dream of almost everyone at any field. Everyone knows you and wants to be like their favorite celebrity. Money comes to play by grossing every celebrity bank account, the more famous you are, more wealth comes to you. Although, being known by everyone might be a hassle sometimes despite the easy live.
Celebrities as any human being loves to be respected and admired but sometimes it is just too much for them. This is where the feeling to be annoyed or bothered plays its role as every excess is mostly a nuisance. As more as you escalate with your achievements more critics are expected from the harsh ones to the constructive. Unfortunately, most of them are either biased or negative. This is due to the spectacle industry who lives mostly on celebrities affairs such as paparazzi’s whom sometimes trespass properties to make profit of others intimacy.
Nevertheless, celebrities are well known for the enormous amount of money that they earn from their main jobs to advertisements contracts. On top of that you are welcomed in almost every part from the world, sometimes more than a politician can handle, like the North American basketball player Denis Rodman who can enter without much issues a hermetic country such as North Korea, even with their president welcome.
To summarize, I strongly believe that the benefits of being famous overwhelms the disadvantages, since a significant number of celebrities are philanthropists, aside from supporting charities with considerable sums, it is really touching seeing children with serious diseases visited and comforted by their favorite movie heroes.

Please check my task 2 General Training
Rate this post

1 Answers
Rachel Evans answered 4 months ago

Being famous is the dream of almost everyone at any field. Everyone knows you and wants to be like their favorite celebrity. Money comes to play by grossing every celebrity bank account, the more famous you are, more wealth comes to you. Although, being known by everyone might be a hassle sometimes despite the easy live.
Celebrities as any human being loves [love] to be respected and admired but sometimes it is just too much for them. [This is where the feeling to be annoyed or bothered plays its role as every excess is mostly a nuisance. As more as you escalate with your achievements more critics are expected from the harsh ones to the constructive.] Unfortunately, most of them are either biased or negative. This is due to the spectacle industry who lives mostly on celebrities affairs such as paparazzi’s whom sometimes trespass properties to make profit of others intimacy.
Nevertheless, celebrities are well known for the enormous amount of money that they earn from their main jobs to advertisements contracts. On top of that you are welcomed in almost every part from the world, sometimes more than a politician can handle, like the North American basketball player Denis Rodman who can enter without much issues a hermetic country such as North Korea, even with their president welcome.
To summarize, I strongly believe that the benefits of being famous overwhelms [overwhelm]the disadvantages, since a significant number of celebrities are philanthropists, aside from supporting charities with considerable sums, it is really touching seeing children with serious diseases visited and comforted by their favorite movie heroes.

Alex, with this type of question even in general test, you’re not supposed to use personal pronouns as it is too casual. Also, you have made quite a lot grammatical errors that need to be corrected. At some places, your sentences are too confusing and hard to understand (as the use of grammar and lack of punctuations – which may lead to misunderstanding or misinterpretation of your original intention)
The body paragraphs were not sufficient enough to address the task question: weak supporting ideas and irrelevant examples at places.
Moreover, your conclusion is consiered improper as it present a new idea. The main function of the conclusion is to summarize what were mentioned on the body paragraphs.
So overall, you should consider rewriting your essay to achieve better band score!
Best of luck,

Please check my task 2 General Training
Rate this post