Please check my essay, your remarks are very important for me. My exam is on 18th Febuary.

QuestionsCategory: DicussionPlease check my essay, your remarks are very important for me. My exam is on 18th Febuary.
thaongh asked 3 years ago

Topic: Some people argue that history is of little or no use to us. Others believe that studying history gives many benefits. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
History has been a compulsory subject in school in several countries. But nowadays, it seems to be a fact that many students do not understand the reasons why they have to study that subject. Some of them think leaning history is meaningless and does not bring any benefits to improve our life. In my opinion, there are many reasons to prove that history is an important subject at school.
A very important reward of studying history to students is that it would help them understand the past by drawing specific pictures of each historical period by words. Leaning history, students could view these pictures by the objective perspective, take lessons from the successes and the fails of historical figures and recognize the fact that people are neither good or bad but behavior in extremely complicated way because of the impacts from many different sources. Thence, they could apply that knowledge in political and social problem solving. For example, Tran Hung Dao took Ngo Quyen’s attack tactic, which he used to defeat the Southern Han, to wipe out the Mongol invaders.
Further more, studying history also improve researching and individual working skills. Teachers always encourage theirs student learning history by themselves and trying to read intensive documents as much as they could. From that, they could build theirs own judging and thinking systems, even improve their critical thinking and strength their personal views.
On the other hand, nobody could deny a fact that time flies and our social is changing with breakneck speed and have a huge difference comparing to the old one, which means that  some notions, lessons in history do not consistent with what occurs nowadays. For example, in the past, nations were rather solve their conflicts by making a war, but today negotiations is agreed to be the best solution. But, anyway, besides of this fact, leaning history brings to us many advantages in both personal and social fields.
In short, though the knowledge by leaning history is hard to apply in life directly, I firmly believe that history could teach us many things to improve qualities of live and of ourselves.

1 Answers
Rachel Evans answered 3 years ago

History has been a compulsory subject in school in several countries. But nowadays, it seems to be a fact that many students do not understand the reasons why they have to study that subject. Some of them think learning history is meaningless and does not bring any benefits to improve our life. In my opinion, there are many reasons to prove that history is an important subject at school.
A very important reward of studying history to students is that it would help them understand the past by drawing specific pictures of each historical period by words. Learning history, students could view these pictures by the objective perspective, take lessons from the successes and the fails failures of historical figures and recognize the fact that people are neither good nor bad but behavior in extremely complicated way because of the impacts from many different sources. (?!) Thence, they could apply that knowledge in political and social problem solving. For example, Tran Hung Dao took Ngo Quyen’s attack tactic, which he used to defeat the Southern Han, to wipe out the Mongol invaders.
Furthermore, studying history also improves researching and individual working skills. Teachers always encourage theirs their student learning to learn history by themselves and trying try to read intensive documents (??) as much as they could. From that, they could build theirs own judging and thinking systems, even improve their critical thinking and strengthen their personal views.
On the other hand, nobody could deny a fact that time flies and our social society is changing with breakneck speed and have has a huge difference comparing to the old one, which means that some notions, lessons in history do not consistent with what occurs nowadays. For example, in the past, nations were rather solve (?!) their conflicts by making a war, but today negotiations is agreed to be the best solution. But, anyway, besides of this fact, leaning history brings to us many advantages in both personal and social fields.
In short, though the knowledge by leaning history is hard to apply in life directly, I firmly believe that history could teach us many things to improve qualities of live and of ourselves.
TA – 5.0

  • address the task only partially
  • parts are more fully covered than the other

CC – 4.5

  • may not use referencing clearly
  • incoherent at places

LR – 5.5

  • attempt to use less common lexical items
  • errors in spelling, word form and collocation

GRA – 6.0

  • use mix of simple and complex sentence forms
  • errors in grammar at places but they rarely reduce communication

Overall 5.0
You should practice more to improve coherence and cohesion, as well as to reduce unwanted basic grammatical errors.

In this essay, you have some very interesting ideas but they are not sufficiently or even not developed/ explained. If you explained those ideas and gave relevant examples, you’d be banded higher on TA

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