Please check my essay, your remarks are very important for me. My exam is on 16th Febrauary. Its very urgent @Rachel kindly help in getting 7 band

QuestionsPlease check my essay, your remarks are very important for me. My exam is on 16th Febrauary. Its very urgent @Rachel kindly help in getting 7 band
vinay123 asked 2 years ago

Government investment in the arts, music and theatre, is a waste of money. Government must invest this money in public services instead.
To what extent do you agree to this statement.
These days, the government spends a larger part of its budget not only on public services, but also on the arts. Albeit, I agree that it is important to spend on public services, I do not think spending on arts is a waste of money.
There are several reasons for spending significant budget on public services like schools, hospitals and roads which determine the quality of life. First and foremost, education is very essential for a more cultured society, for a crime free environment and for enabling people to earn a livelihood. Similarly, if enough spending is not done, for building hospitals and for health schemes, the society’s health will decline. Importantly, it will be the poor in our society that will be more affected if these areas are neglected.
However, this do not mean that the arts should be completely neglected. Arts represents the culture of a society. Many countries exchange their arts and culture and it is the pride of one’s country to spread their culture globally. As a consequence, artistic outputs have contributed to the tourism of a country thus generating revenue. For example, art students and researchers from America fly to India to explore Indian arts and culture.
In addition, music and movies are amusing activities which act as stress reliever in today’s hectic scheduled life. But, many art institutions are not able to generate profits because of diverse reasons. For example, many people cannot afford art institutions fees to hone their talent and consequently may not continue in art field which eventually reduces the art institutions as well. Hence, considering these reasons, in my opinion, the regimes should spend appropriate amount in preserving and enriching the arts of a country.
In conclusion, undoubtedly the government should spend more money on public services for better society, but at the same time, considerable amount should be spent to preserve and spread the arts and culture of a society.
 
Note: @Rachel, thank you for giving attention to my essay.
In these kind of essays, is it necessary to represent only points to support our agreement/disagreement? or more points about of our agreement/disagreement and less about the contrast.
For example, in this essay although my opinion is spending on arts is not a waste of money, I have stated some points about investment on public sectors too(First paragraph) and later major points on arts advantages .Kindly explain with best arrangement of contents.If possible, kindly send the documents on how the contents of paragraph should be represented?for 4  different types of IELTS essay pattern like agree/disagree, causes and solutions, both views(advantages and disadvantages)etc, to my below email.
[email protected]
 

Please check my essay, your remarks are very important for me. My exam is on 16th Febrauary. Its very urgent @Rachel kindly help in getting 7 band
Rate this post

vinay123 replied 2 years ago

Thank you Rachel

1 Answers
Rachel Evans answered 2 years ago

Government investment in the arts, music and theatre, is a waste of money. Government must invest this money in public services instead.
To what extent do you agree to this statement?
These days, the government spends a larger part of its budget not only on public services, but also on the arts. Albeit, I agree that it is important to spend on public services, I do not think spending on arts is a waste of money.
There are several reasons for spending significant budget on public services which determine the quality of life like schools, hospitals and roads. First and foremost, education is very essential for a more cultured society, for a crime free environment and for enabling people to earn a livelihood. Similarly, if enough spending is not done, for building hospitals and for health schemes, the society’s health will decline. Importantly, it will be is the poor in our society that will be more affected if these areas are neglected.
However, this does not mean that the arts should be completely neglected. Arts represents the culture of a society. Many countries exchange their arts and culture and it is the pride of one’s country to spread their culture globally. As a consequence, artistic outputs have contributed to the tourism of a country thus generating revenue. For example, art students and researchers from America fly to India to explore Indian arts and culture.
In addition, music and movies are amusing activities which act as stress reliever in today’s hectic scheduled life. But, many art institutions are not able to generate profits because of diverse reasons. For example, many people cannot afford art institutions fees to hone their talent and consequently may not continue in art field which eventually reduces the art institutions as well. Hence, considering these reasons, in my opinion, the regimes should spend appropriate amount in preserving and enriching the arts of a country.
In conclusion, undoubtedly the government should spend more money on public services for better society, but at the same time, considerable amount should be spent to preserve and spread the arts and culture of a society.
TA – 6.5

  • address all parts and present a clear position
  • present supporting ideas

CC – 6.5

  • there’s a clear progression throughout
  • present a central topic within each paragraph

LR – 7.0

  • use a sufficient range of vocabulary
  • use less common lexical item

GRA – 6.5

  • use a variety range of complex structures
  • make some errors in grammar which rarely reduce communication

Overall 6.5
 
Actually, in this question, you can give either strong opinions (completely agree or disagree) or partially agree. If you have strong opinion answer, you should focus on your reasoning why you agree or disagree. For example, in case I completely disgree with the statement – that investment on art isn’t a waste of money and govt’ shouldn’t spend money on other services. I’d write 

  1. Introduction – give clear opinion about my disgreement 
  2. Give reason #1 why I disagree
  3. Reason #2
  4. Conclusion – Summarise my opinion

And in your essay, you have balanced opinion, so support both; I suggest you focus more on the one you have stronger reasonings. As you did 😉
 
 

Please check my essay, your remarks are very important for me. My exam is on 16th Febrauary. Its very urgent @Rachel kindly help in getting 7 band
Rate this post

vinay123 replied 2 years ago

Thank you Rachel

Get more stuff like this
in your inbox

Subscribe to our mailing list and get interesting stuff and updates to your email inbox.