Please check my essay, point out any mistake and give suggestions and tell how it can be more effective to get more bands.

QuestionsCategory: Advantage/DisadvantagePlease check my essay, point out any mistake and give suggestions and tell how it can be more effective to get more bands.
livermore asked 5 months ago

Several years ago, users utelised for mainly to keep in touch from internet, but current period most people use not only for communication, namely another good factor that these days everybody can buy kind of vital things on the internet. Such as tickets for transportation and e-books also garments, all of them are available in online shops, therefore this method very comfortable for majority consumers but as everybody has own taste, some people prefer do shopping in usual shops. Purpose of the essay to define negative and positive sides of this issue.
There is not doubt that many people very busy with their jobs, so they do not want to spend more time for do shopping, since they accustomed to save time, so most consumers buy products through internet. There are mainly 3 comforts. Firstly, internet shops have good delivery services for each person. If people buy something on the internet shops, they do not bring to products, because their special workers deliver their goods. Secondly, you just sit and write to search section of the internet shops, as a result you find anything what you want. For instance, there are clothes, books, hi-tech gadgets, so you have a big choice for shopping. Last convenience is good costs. All consumers have a chance to compare products and prices can look at all this information on a website. Another importantly thing is type of payment available in internet shops. Such as cash, deposit, webmoney you can pay any time, although if you want at night or midnight.
Ont the other hand, internet shops have a minor disadvantages. Some online shop`s security system very easy to damage, therefore hackers may be able to copy your credit card details, in consequence, they steal your webmoney. In particular, recently hackers cheated a lot of consumers who bought items from corporation of Alibaba and they stole totally 10.800.000$. Also people often buy thing which they do not want. Why this situation always happen with them, cause consumers can not examine what they are buy until after they have bought it.
To sum up, as for as I concerned that consumers must buy things more carefully on the internet and also they should find reliable source in web shops.

Please check my essay, point out any mistake and give suggestions and tell how it can be more effective to get more bands.
5 (100%) 2 votes

livermore replied 4 months ago

Whould you please help me to check and give me a score please?

livermore replied 2 months ago

livermore replied 2 months ago

.

livermore replied 2 months ago

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livermore replied 2 months ago

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1 Answers
Thuy Dung Pham answered 1 month ago

Several years ago, users utelised for mainly to keep in touch from internet, but current period most people use not only for communication, namely another good factor that these days everybody can buy kind of vital things on the internet. Such as tickets for transportation and e-books also garments, all of them are available in online shops,. (full stop) Therefore, therefore this method is very comfortable for majority consumers,. (full stop) but However, as everybody has own taste, some people prefer do doing shopping in usual shops. Purpose of the essay is to define negative and positive sides of this issue.
There is not doubt that many people are very busy with their jobs, so Consequently, they do not want to spend more time for do shopping, since they accustomed to save time, so most consumers buy products through internet (run-on sentence). There are mainly 3 three (do not write numbers in an academic essay) comforts (advantages). Firstly, internet shops have good delivery services for each person their customers. If people buy something on the internet shops, they do not bring to products (?), because their special workers deliver their goods. Secondly, you just sit and write to search section of the internet shops, . (full stop) As a result, (comma) you find anything what you want. For instance, there are clothes, books, hi-tech gadgets, so you have a big a number of choice for shopping. Last convenience is good costs. All consumers have a chance to compare products and prices can look at all this information on a website. Another importantly thing is type of payment available in internet shops. Ssuch as cash, deposit, webmoney. You can pay any time, although if you want at night or midnight.
Ont the other hand, internet shops have a minor disadvantages. Some online shop`s security system is very easy to be damaged, t Therefore, (comma) hackers may be able to copy your credit card details, . (full stop) in In consequence, they steal your webmoney. In particular, recently, (comma)  hackers cheated a lot of consumers who bought items from corporation of Alibaba and they stole totally 10.800.000$. Also, (comma) people often buy things which they do not want. Why this situation always happen with them, cause consumers can not examine what they are buy until after they have bought it. (unclear sentence)
To sum up, as for as I concerned that consumers must buy things more carefully on the internet and also they should find reliable source in web shops.
Task achievement: 5.0 (presents some main ideas but the development is not always clear and not sufficiently developed)
Coherence and Cohesion: 4.5 (present information with some organisation but may be lack of overall progression)
Lexical Resource: 5.0 (uses only basic and limited range of vocabulary)
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 4.0 (uses only a very limited range of structures, some structures are accurate but errors predominate and punctuation is often faulty)
Overall: 5.0 (this task needs to be improved. It is too simple to get high score)

Please check my essay, point out any mistake and give suggestions and tell how it can be more effective to get more bands.
5 (100%) 2 votes

livermore replied 4 months ago

Whould you please help me to check and give me a score please?

livermore replied 2 months ago

livermore replied 2 months ago

.

livermore replied 2 months ago

.

livermore replied 2 months ago

.