Please check just one time. I will not need for more. I need your helps, thanks.

QuestionsCategory: OpinionPlease check just one time. I will not need for more. I need your helps, thanks.
helpplease asked 6 months ago

Restricting air travel is the only way to prevent air pollution.
Do you agree?
The advent of technological vehicles that are used for transportation such as cars, trains and planes are nowadays blamed to increase air pollution. Some people think that one of those, planes in the matter in question, are more exacerbating the situation, accordingly, they recommend to limit plane use in order to mitigate air pollution. However, I do believe that it would not be an effective solution for this.
 
I agree that planes contribute to air pollution as well trains and cars. Anyhow, they are classified as a private class transportation due to some reasons, such as their size, costs and the effort that it needs to work. People therefore opt for using more trains and in particular, cars, which are known to have the biggest share on air pollution. We thus could not accuse planes for the air pollution. Additionaly, while planes are meticulously checked to pin down possible problems that may cause air pollution, cars are not checked. For example, it is known that planes are examined in a mechanic test before each taking off to eradice all problems that can cause environmental damage, while cars are even not filtered for the carbon dioxide that they emit.
 
Furthermore, in my opinion, preventing plane use would bring about more air pollution. In such situation, people would be compelled to use their private cars or trains even in abroad trips, which thus elevates the pollution. For example, a plane that flies from Paris to Madrid would nearly carry three hundred people, however, in case of prevention of planes, these all people would use their cars, which means more poisonous gases and more pollution.
 
In conclusion, I acknowledge that air vehicles cause to increase the air pollution, having said that, I believe cars and trains are more contributing to air pollution as they are widely used by people.

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1 Answers
Thuy Dung Pham answered 5 months ago

The advance of technological vehicles (?!) that are used for transportation such as cars, trains and planes are nowadays blamed/accused to increase air pollution. Some people think that one of those, planes in the matter in question, are more exacerbating the situation, accordingly, they recommend to limit plane use in order to mitigate air pollution. However, I do believe that it would not be an effective solution for this.(should not use ā€œIā€ in academic writing)
 
I agree that planes contribute to air pollution as well equally as trains and cars. Anyhow (non-academic) However, they are classified as a private class transportation due to some reasons, such as their size, costs and the effort that it needs to work (?!) People therefore opt for using more trains and in particular, cars, which are known to have the biggest share on air pollution. We thus could not accuse planes for the air pollution. Additionally, while planes are meticulously/regularly checked to pin down for possible problems that may cause air pollution, cars are not checked. For example, it is known that planes are examined in a mechanical test before each taking off to eradice all problems that can cause environmental damage, while cars are even (non-academic) not filtered for the carbon dioxide that they emit.(are you sure?)
 
Furthermore, in my opinion/from personal point of view, preventing plane use would bring about more air pollution. In such situation, people would be compelled to use their private cars or trains even in abroad trips, which thus elevates the pollution. For example, a plane that flies from Paris to Madrid would nearly carry three hundred people, however, in case of prevention of planes, these all people would use their cars, which means more poisonous gases and more pollution.(spoken language)
 
In conclusion, I acknowledge that air vehicles cause to increase the air pollution, having said that, however I believe cars and trains are more contributing to air pollution as they are more widely used by people due to their common use.
Feedback
Task achievement: 5.5 (address few parts of the task, lack of balance between second and third paragraph, examples are not well-developed, please use more academic language)
Cohesion and coherence: 6.0 (adequate cohesion devices)
Lexical Resource: 5.5 (need to use advanced vocabs more naturally and appropriately, avoid spoken vocabs)
Grammar Range and Accuracy: 5.0 (lack of complex sentence structure, some ideas are poorly expressed)
Overall: 5.5

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