please can you check

Questionsplease can you check
aiganys asked 3 years ago

In recent years young people prefer to spend majority of their free time in the shopping malls,and it is commonly believed that it can affect them and society in a negative way.In my view,i entirely agree that it can be detrimental for both society and youngsters. First of all,the main issue is that these young individuals waste their time buying unnecessary things,which can suffer their parents or them in managing their funding.Moreover,young people instead of spending their valuable time in productive way,they just waste their time,just watching unbeneficial things and walking with friends,which can affect to their future life. Second of all, , inability to buy costly things will rise to extreme stress and anxiety and it can lead to serious mental issues for these young people,who are obsessed with doing shopping.In addition they will try to find a way to buy their needs by stealing something. As a result, society will become even tense. To conclude ,it is clear that quickly evolving trend of using free time in shopping places is a very harmful for young people. It may become a basis for dissatisfaction among people in society. It is therefore highly recommended to use free time in more constructive hobbies. 

1 Answers
Rachel Evans answered 3 years ago

In recent years young people prefer to spend majority of their free time in the shopping malls, and it is commonly believed that it can affect them and the society in a negative way. In my view, I entirely agree that it can be detrimental for both society and youngsters.
First of all, the main issue is that these young individuals waste their time buying unnecessary things, which can suffer (W.Choice) their parents or them in managing their funding. Moreover, young people instead of spending their valuable time in productive way, they just waste their time, just watching unbeneficial things and walking with friends, which can affect to their future life. Second of all, inability to buy costly things will rise to extreme stress and anxiety and it can lead to serious mental issues for these young people, who are obsessed with doing shopping. In addition they will try to find a way to buy their needs by stealing something. As a result, society will become even tense.
To conclude, it is clear that quickly evolving trend of using free time in shopping places is a very harmful for young people. It may become a basis for dissatisfaction among people in society. It is therefore highly recommended to use free time in more constructive hobbies. 
TA – 5.0

  • underword (too short thou)
  • address some parts
  • you’ve yet address the 2nd point you mentioned in the introduction (effect on society) – it’s too weak reasoning, almost nothing

CC – 6.0
LR – 6.0
GRA – 6.0
Overall 5.5
 

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