Please asses my essay and thanks in advance.

QuestionsCategory: Writing Task 2Please asses my essay and thanks in advance.
Sahil asked 5 months ago

Nowadays, some working places tend to employ equal numbers of men and women. Do you think it is positive or negative development?
In the present, many big companies are requiting both men and women in equal proportion. But in the meantime whether it is bless or curse has sparked heated debate. some people consider, it fundamentally beneficial, while others contend that it has a detrimental effects as well.
On the first hand side, going on work by both men and women comes with numerous advantages.Firstly, they can enjoy better lifestyle. It is undeniable that nowadays it is very intricate task for single earner to provide entire essential needs to their family members. It may be due to the fact that raising prize of all the things in the market. whereas, when both husband and wife will go to work, therefore they can earn more and provide all the basic needs such as,better education to children, better food to eat and house to live. Secondly, discrimination between both genders might be demolished. In fact, in many communities, people do not give full respect to female members in family, because they believe that boys can endorse their family by earning, while they consider women as a idle character. But when women will do jobs, hence respect about them could be raised in the minds of individuals.
On the other hand side, many veterans believe that this trend is not downside free. Mainly, they think life of women might become more stressful and anxious. In fact, in mostly societies, managing all the home chores is responsibility of female, when they start to pursue a job, therefore it would difficult of them to do job as well as home works.
In my perspective, I regard to going on work by men and women in similar numbers. The merits of this trend exert positive affects on lifestyle and reputation of girls in our localities. 
In conclusion, taking part in jobs by males and females has both minus and good points. As advantages overwhelm than disadvantages, I hold the belief that when people from both genders will go on jobs, it comes with more positive effects than negative. 

Please asses my essay and thanks in advance.
5 (100%) 1 vote

1 Answers
Thuy Dung Pham answered 4 months ago

In the present, many big companies are have been requiting both men and women in equal proportion. But However, in the meantime, (comma) whether it is bless or curse has sparked heated debate. sSome people consider, it fundamentally beneficial, while others contend that it has a detrimental effects as well.
On the first hand side, going on work by both men and women comes with numerous advantages. Firstly, they can enjoy a better lifestyle. It is undeniable that nowadays it is very intricate task for single earner to provide entire essential needs to their family members. It may be due to the fact that raising prize price of all the things in the market. wWhereas, when both husbands and wife wives will go to work, . (full-stop) therefore Therefore, they can earn more and provide all the basic needs such as, better education to for children, better foods to eat and a better house to live. Secondly, discrimination between both genders might be demolished. In fact, in many communities, people do not give full respect to female members in family, because they believe that boys men can endorse their family by earning, while they consider women as a idle character . But when women will do jobs, hence respect about them could be raised in the minds of individuals. (unclear sentence)
On the other hand side, many veterans believe that this trend is not downside free. Mainly, they think life of women might become more stressful and anxious. In fact, in mostly societies, managing all the home chores is responsibility of female, . (full stop) When they start to pursue a job, therefore, (comma) it would be difficult of for them to do jobs as well as home works  house works.
In my perspective, I regard to going on work by men and women in similar numbers equally. The merits of this trend exert positive affects on lifestyle and reputation of girls in our localities. 
In conclusion, taking part in jobs by males and females has both minus and good points. As advantages overwhelm than disadvantages, I hold the belief that when people from both genders will go on jobs, it comes with more positive effects than negative. 
Task achievement: 5.0 (presents some main ideas but the development is not always clear and not sufficiently developed, there may be irrelevant detail)
Coherence and Cohesion: 4.5 (present information with some organisation but may be lack of overall progression)
Lexical Resource: 5.0 (uses only basic and limited range of vocabulary)
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 4.0 (uses only a very limited range of structures, some structures are accurate but errors predominate and punctuation is often faulty)
Overall: 5.0 (this task needs to be improved. You should write more logical, precise, and concise and pay more attention on spelling)

Please asses my essay and thanks in advance.
5 (100%) 1 vote

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