My exam is on 4th march ..Could you please check my essay, and give me feedback ?

QuestionsCategory: Writing Task 2My exam is on 4th march ..Could you please check my essay, and give me feedback ?
Michael Hany asked 3 years ago

It is necessary for parents to attend parenting training courses to bring their children up.Do you agree or disagree?
Its irrefutable that raising a child have become a massive problem nowadays. Therefore, many experts claim that parents ought to enroll in some courses in order to gain some skills on which they can communicate with their offspring. While other people think this idea is not viable , I firmly believe that it could be a beneficial one.
Firstly, such courses will teach parents how to organize their financial resources to be able to collect enough money for children’s education. For example,parents could invest their money in small business or could even save part of it in their bank account every month. Apart from this benefit, by understanding these methods, they can give their children some values about the advantages and the drawbacks of collecting money. As this benefit is seen by many,enrolling in such training must be obligatory. .
secondly,this training may help parents to understand their offspring’s  psychology. For instant, many young parents apply some inadvisable methods to give their children some discipline . If they realize that these methods may decline some of children’s skills such as coordination abilities and imagination, they will eliminate using these techniques . This is why these courses should be applied.
In conclusion, although many people may refuse the idea of teaching parents how to deal with their own children, the advantages of this training is indispensable. Learning how to organize funds and analyzing the psychology of young people are two of the main benefits of this wise idea.

1 Answers
Rachel Evans answered 3 years ago

Its irrefutable that raising a child have become a massive problem nowadays. Therefore, many experts claim that parents ought to enroll in some courses in order to gain some skills on which (misuse of preposition) they can communicate with their offspring. While other people think this idea is not viable, I firmly believe that it could be a beneficial one.
Firstly, such courses will teach parents how to organize their financial resources to be able to collect enough money for children’s education. For example, parents could invest their money in small business or could even save part of it in their bank account every month. Apart from this benefit, by understanding these methods, they can give their children some values about the advantages and the drawbacks of collecting money. As this benefit is seen by many, enrolling in such training must be obligatory.
Secondly, this training may help parents to understand their offspring’s psychology. For instant instance, many young parents apply some inadvisable methods to give their children some discipline. If they realize that these methods may decline W.Choice some of children’s skills such as coordination abilities and imagination, they will eliminate using these techniques. This is why these courses should be applied.
In conclusion, although many people may refuse the idea of teaching parents how to deal with their own children, the advantages of this training is are indispensable. Learning how to organize funds and analyzing the psychology of young people are two of the main benefits of this wise idea.
TA – 5.0

  • address all parts of the task but
  • should develop the respond more to achieve higher band. Reasoning is still weak
  • underword

CC – 5.5

  • may not use referencing clearly

LR – 6.0

  • attempt to use less common words but with some inaccuracies
  • may be repetitive

GRA – 6.0

  • use a mix of simple and complex structures

Overall 5.5

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