İt is my first essay, Can you please check? Thank you!

Questionsİt is my first essay, Can you please check? Thank you!
ivan asked 4 years ago

International tourism has brought enormous benefit to many places. At the same time, there is concern about its impact on local inhabitants and the environment.
Do the disadvantages of international tourism outweigh the advantages?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
 
 İt is known that in some wilderness and historical places, indigenous people are directed to tail to meet the great demand of tourists which causes them to swap their ordinary way of life, however, international tourism has also tremendously contributed to local economies, as well as people’s social lifes. İn my opinion, international tourism slightly overwhelms its drawbacks.
 
 From my point of view, international tourism’s benefits are marvellous, first and foremost, due to the fact that it renders nations closer to eachother, which helps it to achieve a great effect on foreign relationships that makes it gain the power of averting any potential war between nations. For example, the world war 2 which created devastating consequences in continental Europe has oriented European countries to amass and declare the travel freedom between Eu-countries as they had strongly convinced that international tourism would make their nations closer and as well as would prevent the possibility of same destructive wars. On the one hand, international tourism is known to prosper the life quality of local people. İn some mountainous parts of india, for instance, domestic people are required to create traditional items, such as bags, gloves or carving which caused them to augment their wealth.
 
Nevertheless, there are some negative aspects of international tourism. İn the same region of İndia that is mentioned above, for example, people are suffering from corruption as they are compelled to meet the requirements of tourists which therefore brought about them to leave their traditional way of perpetuating life, such as farming or rearing animals. İn addition to this, I believe, the most detrimental effect of internatonal tourism is being perpetrated towards environment. Day by day, goverments which desire to attract more tourists to their countries are building more facilities, such as hotels, new airports, wider transportation lines to enthrall tourists, which thus underpins the process of deforestation which is a great manace for our world.
 
İn conclusion, I believe that the advantages of international tourism outweigh its negative aspects, having said that, I also think that, international tourism should be more consciously conducted to prohibit or at least mitigate its negative effects on environment.

1 Answers
Rachel Evans answered 4 years ago

International tourism has brought enormous benefit to many places. At the same time, there is concern about its impact on local inhabitants and the environment.
Do the disadvantages of international tourism outweigh the advantages?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
 
It is known that in some wilderness and historical places, indigenous people are directed to tail to meet the great demand of tourists which causes them to swap their ordinary way of life, however, international tourism has also tremendously contributed to local economies, as well as people’s social lifes lives. In my opinion, international tourism slightly overwhelms its drawbacks.

From my point of view, international tourism’s benefits are marvellous, first and foremost, due to the fact that it renders nations closer to each other, which helps it to achieve a great effect on foreign relationships that makes it gain the power of averting any potential war between nations. For example, the World War 2, which created devastating consequences in continental Europe, has oriented European countries to amass and declare the travel freedom between EU-countries as they had strongly convinced that international tourism would make their nations closer and as well as would prevent the possibility of same destructive wars. On the one hand, international tourism is known to prosper the life quality of local people. In some mountainous parts of India, for instance, domestic people are required to create traditional items, such as bags, gloves or carving which caused them to augment their wealth.

Nevertheless, there are some negative aspects of international tourism. In the same region of India that is mentioned above, for example, people are suffering from corruption as they are compelled to meet the requirements of tourists which therefore brought about them to leave their traditional way of perpetuating life, such as farming or rearing animals. In addition to this, I believe, the most detrimental effect of international tourism is being perpetrated towards environment. Day by day, governments which desire to attract more tourists to their countries are building more facilities, such as hotels, new airports, wider transportation lines to enthrall tourists, which thus underpins the process of deforestation which is a great manace menace for our world.

In conclusion, I believe that the advantages of international tourism outweigh its negative aspects, having said that, I also think that, international tourism should be more consciously conducted to prohibit or at least mitigate its negative effects on environment.
(357)
Overall – 6.5
Task achievement – 6.5

  • address all parts of the task
  • the respond may not adequately support the ideas given in thesis statement (local economies, as well as people’s social lives) and the examples are weak.

Coherence and Cohesion – 6.5

  • use paragraphing (it’s better if you put all drawbacks first)
  • there’s overall progression

Lexical resource – 7.0

  • use sufficient range of vocabulary
  • may be repetitive (relative pronoun which is noticeably overused)
  • make some errors in spelling (proper name should be capitalized, word form…)

Grammatical range and Accuracy – 6.5

  • use complex sentence forms
  • make some errors in punctuation, grammar.

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