I would be grateful if somebody checks my essay. My IELTS exam is coming son. Please help me!

QuestionsCategory: Writing Task 2I would be grateful if somebody checks my essay. My IELTS exam is coming son. Please help me!
kay asked 7 months ago

Some people think that government should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
 
As individuals are conscious of the importance of arts that play on their lives, some people hold the view that governments should subsidize talented artists. Others believe that creative artists are able to find other ways to accumulate funds by the fact that governments have limited budgets.
 
Works associated with painters or musicians are in need of a considerable amount of money which states have capabilities to offer. Despite some musicians are extremely intelligent, they fail to express their ideas and explore their potentials without equipment and education. These requirements are based on adequate financial supports.
 
However, it cannot be denied that government revenues are limited, and they should invest in many important sectors such as healthcare, education and public services more instead of solely in arts. In developing countries, children do not have chances to receive the education; citizens struggle with hunger for instance. If states spend money in nurturing creative artist, numerous essential issues may be neglected and lead to the chaos for the whole country.
 
Moreover, since those artists are extraordinary, they must understand how to obtain sources of funds from other places. For examples, they can display their products to prove their talents to entrepreneurs who are capable of offering financial assistance. Besides businessmen may earn massive profits when they cooperate with creative artists. Consequently, there will be a win-win situation. Artists can satisfy their financial requirements involved in their jobs as long as they create values to the society.
 
To sum up, artists may gain a better platform to develop their skills and contribute to the society if governments distribute more capitals in arts. Nevertheless, alternatives to obtain funds are existed in the market if artists attempt to solve their financial problems.

I would be grateful if somebody checks my essay. My IELTS exam is coming son. Please help me!
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