I would be grateful if somebody checks my essay. My IELTS exam is coming son. Please help me!

QuestionsCategory: Writing Task 2I would be grateful if somebody checks my essay. My IELTS exam is coming son. Please help me!
Sultan asked 7 months ago

These days some people think that the idea of children who has been participating in various types of work paid it is entirely refused. So, some people believe that it is necessary to gain more experience and skills that develop personal circumstances to be familiar with the job market in the future and being responsible. This essay will discuss both sides and will draw my conclusion.
On the one hand, there are many reasons to consider, firstly, children have to focus on their studies instead of working because if they spend time on the work they will ignore their homework or lessons and this could lead to a conflict between working and studying. Secondly, children have more opportunity to fill their time rather than being worked in an organization. For instance, children have to be fully prepared by the organization before they enter into this kind of job because they might affect their personality wrongly.
On the other hand, children should fill their leisure time in a proper way such as volunteer and work. Indeed, this kind of activity gives children a kind of independent personality, power, and confidence about how they tackle problems that may be faced in their future quickly. Meanwhile, this combination of work and study has many effects on the children responsibility . as well as they will learn how to pay attention to their money and save it do not waste it.
So that’s why some think that children who have been paid by the employer have many advantages. In conclusion after a careful analysis of both point view, I believe children should work to gain many experiences and skills to be a real person in the immediate future.

I would be grateful if somebody checks my essay. My IELTS exam is coming son. Please help me!
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1 Answers
Thuy Dung Pham answered 6 months ago

These days some people think that the idea of children who has been participating in various types of work paid it is entirely refused. So Therefore, some people believe that it is necessary to gain more experience and skills that develop personal circumstances to be familiar with the job market in the future and being responsible. This essay will discuss both sides and will draw my personal conclusion.
On the one hand, there are many reasons to consider,. Firstly Fristly, children have to focus on their studies instead of working because if they spend time on the work, (comma) they will ignore their homework or lessons and this could lead to a conflict between working and studying. Secondly, children have more opportunity opportunities to fill their time rather than being worked in an organization. For instance, children have to be fully prepared by the organization before they enter into this kind of job because they might affect their personality wrongly.
On the other hand, children should fill their leisure time in a proper way such as volunteer and work . Indeed, this kind of activity gives children a kind of independent personality, power, and confidence about how they tackle problems that may be faced in their future quickly. Meanwhile, this combination of work and study has many effects on the children responsibility as well as they will learn how to pay attention to their money and save it do not waste it. manage their money.
So that’s That’s why some people think that children who have been paid by the employers have many advantages. In conclusion after a careful analysis of both point view, I believe children should work to gain many experiences and skills to be a real person in the immediate future.
are being lost.
Task achievement: 5.0 (presents some main ideas but the development is not always clear and not sufficiently developed, there may be irrelevant detail)
Coherence and Cohesion: 4.5 (present information with some organisation but may be lack of overall progression)
Lexical Resource: 5.0 (uses only basic and limited range of vocabulary, some noticeable errors are found)
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 4.5 (uses only a very limited range of structures, some structures are accurate but errors predominate and punctuation is often faulty)
Overall: 5.0 (this task needs to be improved. You should write more logical, precise, and concise and pay more attention on spelling)
 
 

I would be grateful if somebody checks my essay. My IELTS exam is coming son. Please help me!
Rate this post

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