I would appreciate if you could correct and evaluate my essay as I have an exam on 16th February.

QuestionsCategory: Writing Task 2I would appreciate if you could correct and evaluate my essay as I have an exam on 16th February.
paula asked 3 years ago

Topic:
In many cities crime is increasing. Why do you think this is happening? What can governments do to help reduce crime levels?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience
Answer
 
The prevalence rate of crime is rising dramatically. There are therefore several factors for that and they can be reduced considerably by effective solutions.
One of the plausible reasons for the increasing of crime is wrong nurture for children. When parents either teach them bad behaviours or leave them for a long time, they grow without the principles of ethics, which pose a threat to the community. For example, the absence of parents as they leave their children to watch violence shows on the TV is more likely develop either violent or criminal behaviour. As a result, they will participate in criminal activities such as assaulting, stealing, kidnapping and burgling. Although there are many reasons for the prevalence of crime, poverty is the main culprit. It pushes a large number of people to steal. For instance, some people steal because they want not only to feed their family but also to have a shelter. Consequently, there is a significant positive correlation between poverty and crime, meaning that where there is more poverty, there will also be higher crime rates.
Government play the major role in treating those reasons. Firstly, they could organise an awareness campaign to aware parents of consequences of the wrong nurture for their children. This could contribute to decreasing the crime rates steadily. Furthermore, the government should solve the poverty problem from the roots. Since people robbed for providing sustenance for their families, the government should offer to them more appropriated jobs opportunities. Thus, the committing of crime offences will be declined because parents have an income to buy food and shelter and this associate to alleviate and eradicate poverty throughout the communities.
In conclusion, the prevalence of the crime rates is growing rapidly which is taking an alarming turn that required a prompt action. There are many effective approaches to deal with the real reasons for crime.

paula replied 3 years ago

Thank you so much

1 Answers
Rachel Evans answered 3 years ago

The prevalence rate of crime is rising dramatically. There are therefore several factors for that and they can be reduced considerably by effective solutions.
One of the plausible reasons for the increasing of crime is wrong nurture for children. When parents either teach them bad behaviours or leave them for a long time, they grow without the principles of ethics, which pose a threat to the community. For example, the absence of parents as they leave their children to watch violence shows on the TV is more likely to develop either violent or criminal behaviour. As a result, they will participate in criminal activities such as assaulting, stealing, kidnapping and burgling. Although there are many reasons for the prevalence of crime, poverty is the main culprit. It pushes a large number of people to steal. For instance, some people steal because they want not only to feed their family but also to have a shelter. Consequently, there is a significant positive correlation between poverty and crime, meaning that where there is more poverty, there will also be higher crime rates.
Government play the major role in treating those reasons. Firstly, they could organise an awareness campaign to aware parents of consequences of the wrong nurture for their children. This could contribute to decreasing the crime rates steadily. Furthermore, the government should solve the poverty problem from the roots. Since people robbed for providing sustenance for their families, the government should offer to them more appropriated jobs opportunities. Thus, the committing of crime offences will be declined because parents have an income to buy food and shelter and this associate to alleviate and eradicate poverty throughout the communities.
In conclusion, the prevalence of the crime rates is growing rapidly which is taking an alarming turn that required a prompt action. There are many effective approaches to deal with the real reasons for crime.
TA – 7.0

  • address all parts
  • present a clear position throughout and well-developed respond

CC – 7.5

  • logically arrange ideas
  • present a central topic within each paragraph

LR – 7.5

  • use sufficient range of vocab to allow flexibility

GRA – 7.5
Overall 7.5

paula replied 3 years ago

Thank you so much

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