I was directed here by my friends. Could please check my essay and score? Thank you!

QuestionsCategory: OpinionI was directed here by my friends. Could please check my essay and score? Thank you!
dosgortol asked 10 months ago

İn many countries, people are moving away from rural areas and towards to urban areas.

Why do you think that is?

What problems can this cause?

 As larger cities present more possibilities in all respect, a great amount of people are migrating from countrysides to cities. İn my opinion, this migration wave is bringing about some tremendous problems that are difficult to be solved.
  The money is by far the most basic reason for migration tendencies. People want to elevate their life standard, which therefore directs them to migrate to urban areas. First and foremost, less work possibilities is most important factor that renders migration necessary. Secondly, as rural areas are more likely to be in the dearth of infrastructure, people who live in these areas suffer from poor quality of public transport, unable to have perpetually electricity or even in some areas, water line can be stopped in winter due to frozen pipe lines. Thirdly, people are effected by the bright world that they see in the television. A friend of mine for example, who are clearly effected by movies and who wishes to move to city, specified to me the fact that he wants to work and live in a urbanized area, which I believe, it is due to his misconception about higher salaries that is thought to be paid in cities.
 Additionally, large migration waves cause enormous impacts on cities. First of all, as more spaces are needed, deforestation is hastened, which is a great menace for environment, to provide a shelter for immigrants. Secondly, as home demands are increased which therefore enables the rent prices soar up. İn such a situation for example, this causes local people suffer from higher prices that make them to work more. Lastly, it is observed in the cities, which relatively have more immigration proportion,  that crime rate is risen due to poverty, as well as traffic congestion because of the remarkable increase on the number of people, which causes people to spend hours in their daily commute.
 İn conclusion, I believe that limited job vacancy and poor infrastructure causes people to move to cities, having said that, I also think that extreme migration rates bring about some detrimental effects on cities, such as traffic congestion, deforstation or higher rent prices.

I was directed here by my friends. Could please check my essay and score? Thank you!
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