I swear you I have an exam tomorrow morning at 8.15. Please check!

QuestionsCategory: Problem-SolutionI swear you I have an exam tomorrow morning at 8.15. Please check!
helpplease asked 7 months ago

The amount of time spend on sport and exercise should be increased in schools in order to tackle the problem of overweight children?

Do you think this the best way to deal with the problem?

What other solutions can you suggest?

Being overweight is one of the most challenging concerns of our era, which orients people to look for some solutions. Accordingly, some people suggest that authorities should intensify exercise lessons in schools in order to face with the problem. To a certain extent, I agree that it is one of the best methods to minimize the number of overweight children, however, I do believe that there are many measures that could be taken for this.
 
Children spend the majority of their time in schools and sometimes, they follow their courses for hours without moving, which triggers being overweight. Additionaly, as the curriculums do not entail sufficent exercise programmes, it also contributes to this situation. For these reasons, increasing exercise lessons in the schools would be one of the best way to retard the effect of their stagnancy. İn addition to that, a variety of measures could also be taken. For example, new health-related lessons could be added to the curriculums that can effectively inform and encourage children about how to live healthier. Therefore, their determination on being fed would be embodied by these lessons, which I believe, would turn these lessons to a permanent habit in their future life.
 
 Furthermore, some external temptations could be prohibited. İt is known that highly harmful fastfoods are sold in the canteen of the schools, which are quite attractive for the children. Authorities therefore could introduce a ban regarding to the fastfood sales in the schools, in order to impede the growing number of overweight children or at least to mitigate it. Morever, I believe, to have an effective result, parents could be more strict. For example, they could eat more vegetables in their lunch or dinner to embolden their children to adapt a healthier way of eating. İt would be more effective than others, as family culture is gradually converted to a constant life style in the future.
 
İn conclusion, I believe that increasing exercise lessons in schools is one of the most effective way to prevent being overweight, having said that, new health lessons and mentioned measures that both authorities and parents could take, would also be effective as well.

I swear you I have an exam tomorrow morning at 8.15. Please check!
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1 Answers
Thuy Dung Pham answered 7 months ago

Being overweight is one of the most challenging concerns of our era, which orients people to look for some solutions. Accordingly, some people suggest that authorities should intensify exercise lessons in schools in order to face with the problem. To a certain extent, I agree that it is one of the best methods to minimize the number of overweight children, (full-stop) . however However, I do believe that there are many measures that could be taken for this.
 
Children spend the majority of their time in schools and sometimes, they follow their courses for hours without moving, which triggers being overweight.(Run-on sentence) Additionaly Additionally, as the curriculums do not entail sufficent exercise programmes, it also contributes to this situation. For these reasons, increasing exercise lessons in the schools would be one of the best way to retard the effect of their stagnancy. İn addition to that, a variety of measures could also be taken. For example, new health-related lessons could be added to the curriculums that can effectively inform and encourage children about how to live healthier. Therefore, their determination on being fed would be embodied by these lessons, which I believe, would turn these lessons to a permanent habit in their future life.
 
 Furthermore, some external temptations could should be prohibited. İt is known that highly harmful fastfoods are sold in the canteen of the schools, which are quite attractive for the children. Authorities therefore could introduce a ban regarding to the fastfood sales in the schools, in order to impede the growing number of overweight children or at least to mitigate it. Morever, I believe, to have an effective result, parents could should be more strict. For example (For instance instance/Let’s take an example), they could eat more vegetables in their lunch or dinner to embolden their children to adapt a healthier way of eating. İt would be more effective than others, as family culture is gradually converted to a constant life style in the future.
 
İn conclusion, I believe that increasing exercise lessons in schools is one of the most effective way to prevent being overweight (full-stop) . having Having said that, new health lessons and mentioned measures that both authorities and parents could take, would also be effective as well.
Task achievement: 6.0 (addresses all parts of the task, presents an overview with information appropriately selected)
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0 (arranges information and ideas coherently and there is a clear overall progression)
Lexical Resource: 5.5 (uses a limited range of vocabulary, word choice, and repeatable words)
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5.5 (uses a mix of simple and complex sentences but only a limited range of structures, mistake in punctuation and have some run-on sentence)
Overall: 6.0 (Overall, you understand the instruction but this task needs to be improved. Try not to use “I” in an academic writing)


 

I swear you I have an exam tomorrow morning at 8.15. Please check!
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