i have exam on this saturday 8th October, would appreciate if you can access my essay

QuestionsCategory: Opinioni have exam on this saturday 8th October, would appreciate if you can access my essay
Antonia asked 8 months ago

Topic :The government should ban smoking in all public places, even though this would restrict some other people’s freedoms.

Do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer.

It is conspicuous that smoking is dangerous for both smokers and non-smokers. Government has to spend a lot of money to fight against the after-effects of smoking. Also, it is irrefutable that no civil authority can impose any restriction on citizen’s freedom. Hence, I believe that the optimized solution is to restrict smoking atleast in public places to ameliorate health condition of all the people.

Firstly, cigarette causes lung cancer and many other respiratory diseases to both active and passive smokers. Smokers does not have any right to risk other people’s life. If there exists a law against smoking in public places, it will act as a deterrent. Moreover, many proponents believe enactment of such laws will combat drug consumption and the optimistic view suggests that people may quit smoking forever.

Secondly, nation will be benefited by this anti-drug move. It is true that government earns a fortune in terms of tax paid by drug companies but on the contrary huge investment is required to maintain health system which eventually result in financial loss to the country. As per a research published in an Italian newspaper, if public smoking is banned it will reduce approximately 50% of government’s fund on health system.

To recapitulate, smoke ban is for the betterment of smokers, passive smokers and the government hence it is a wise decision to formulate and enact such laws. It is also a fact that it hinders right of freedom for many but the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. I would urge that all countries around the world should think and impose laws in near future for the sake of whole human race.

i have exam on this saturday 8th October, would appreciate if you can access my essay
4.71 (94.12%) 34 votes

1 Answers
Antonia answered 8 months ago

Hi,
Please find below some feedback/advice and your estimated score for this essay, Muskaan.

It is conspicuous that smoking is dangerous for both smokers and non-smokers. Government has to spend a lot of money to fight against the after-effects of smoking. Also, it is irrefutable that no civil authority can impose any restriction on citizen’s freedom. Hence, I believe that the optimized optimal solution is to restrict smoking at least in public places to ameliorate health condition of all the people.

Firstly, cigarette causes lung cancer and many other respiratory diseases to both active and passive smokers. Smokers does not have any right to risk other people’s life. If there exists a law against smoking in public places, it will act as a (powerful) deterrent. Moreover, many proponents believe enactment of such laws will combat drug consumption and the optimistic view suggests that people may quit smoking forever.

Secondly, nation will be benefited by this anti-drug move. It is true that government earns a fortune in terms of tax paid by drug companies but on the contrary huge investment is required to maintain health system which eventually results in a financial loss to of the country. As per According to a research published in an Italian newspaper, if public smoking is banned it will reduce approximately 50% of government’s governmental fund on health system healthcare.

To recapitulate, smoke ban is for the betterment of smokers, passive smokers and the government hence it is a wise decision to formulate and enact such laws. It is also a fact that it hinders right of freedom for many but the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. I would urge that all countries around the world should think and impose laws in the near future (==> advanced: in the short run/term) for the well-being of whole human race.

Your band score is 7.0

Great effort! You address the requirements of the task well; however, you should use more complex sentences.
Sometimes there are repetitions and spelling mistakes in your essay. The answer would have been better if the ideas were more developed with explanations and examples.

Task Achievement (TA): 7.0

Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 6.5

Lexical Resource (LR): 7.0

Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA):  6.5 

Advice

You are able to address the requirements of the task well, but you also need to work on coherence. Try these resources:

i have exam on this saturday 8th October, would appreciate if you can access my essay
4.71 (94.12%) 34 votes

1

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