I am practicing for IELTS and my band now is 5.. Please help me.correct my essay

QuestionsI am practicing for IELTS and my band now is 5.. Please help me.correct my essay
nguyenlykimngan asked 2 years ago

Modern forms of communication such as email and messaging have reduced the amount of time people spend seeing their friends. This has had negative effect on their social lives. 
Nowadays, more and more people spend time on modern forms of communication such as email and messaging. They text their friends most of the time which affects their social lives seriously. I personally think this is absolutely true and discuss how technology has had an effect their lives.
On the one hand, people spend their time chatting with friends but they hardly meet each other. For example, they chat on Facebook, Zalo or social networking sites all the time but when they reduce the amount of time spending with friends or when they meet each other on the street, they just say “Hello” or “How are you?”. It affects their lives because they waste time chatting and their friendship will lose someday if they do not hang out with their friends on a regular basis. Spending time chatting does not help you gain social skills which are very necessary in the future, it just makes time you waste meaningless.
On the other hand, people who know how to use these forms correctly, they do not only benefit from them but also they can hang out with their friends regularly. Although they chat with friends but do not talk too much because they would rather meet their friends so they can stay together and understand each other, their friendship will be never faded. For instance, they just text their friends if necessary but they are really want to meet each other instead of chatting.
In conclusion, I think that people should balance the amount of time they spend on these sites and go out with friends to learn more about their daily lives.

I am practicing for IELTS and my band now is 5.. Please help me.correct my essay
Rate this post

1 Answers
Rachel Evans answered 2 years ago

Modern forms of communication such as email and messaging have reduced the amount of time people spend seeing their friends. This has had negative effect on their social lives. 
Nowadays, more and more people spend/ are spending time on modern forms of communication such as email and messaging. They text their friends most of the time, which affects their social lives seriously. I personally think this is absolutely true and discuss how technology has had an effect their lives. (subject?!)
On the one hand, people spend their time chatting with friends, but they hardly meet each other. For example, they chat on Facebook, Zalo or other social networking sites all the time, but when they reduce the amount of time spending with friends or when they meet each other on the street, they just say “Hello” or “How are you?”. It affects their lives because they waste time chatting and their friendship will lose someday if they do not hang out with their friends on a regular basis. Spending time chatting does not help you gain social skills which are very necessary in the future, it just makes time (articles?!) you waste meaningless.
On the other hand, people who know how to use these forms correctly, they do not only benefit from them but also they can hang out with their friends regularly. Although they chat with friends but do not talk too much because they would rather meet their friends so they can stay together and understand each other, their friendship will be never faded. (Although is not used with but) For instance, they just text their friends if necessary but they are really want to meet each other instead of chatting.
In conclusion, I think that people should balance the amount of time they spend on these sites and go out with friends to learn more about their daily lives.
Overall 4.5
Your essay seems to be too simple and yet convincing. I’d suggest you enrich your vocabulary and grammatical ranges.
Task achievement – 4.5

  • the respond is very limited and not well supported, some parts may be repetitive

Coherence and Cohesion – 4.0

  • repetitive
  • make inadequate use of cohesive device

Lexical resource – 4.5

  • use only basic vocabulary which may be used repetitively

Grammatical range and accuracy – 4.5

  • use limited range of structures
  • make errors in punctuations…
  • complex sentence tend to be less accurate and confusing

I am practicing for IELTS and my band now is 5.. Please help me.correct my essay
Rate this post

Get more stuff like this
in your inbox

Subscribe to our mailing list and get interesting stuff and updates to your email inbox.