hi! I'm taking Ielts in January 2017. So I hope you can help me correct this essay of mine :D many thanks!

Questionshi! I'm taking Ielts in January 2017. So I hope you can help me correct this essay of mine :D many thanks!
Trần Nguyễn Phương Minh asked 4 months ago

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
The infrastructure of a country is undoubtedly a great concern to both the government and its citizens. The choice of more roads or more railways is still widely debated. Opinions vary, but I strongly believe that railways can bring greater benefits to the governments than roads.
First and foremost, railways are the faster and more cost-effective options for the citizens. In terms of speed, rails come out on top compared to roads. This is due to the fact that congestion is rarely a problem to railways while traffic jam on highways is still hindering commuters on daily basis. In addition, the authorities do not have to deal with the escalating costs of railways maintenance and expansion, even though the construction expenses may appear extravagant at first. Moreover, it has been proven that rail lines capacity surpasses that of highways. This aspect adds to the cost-efficiency of railways.
Besides this, it is irrefutable that railways exceed roads in regard to both energy-savings and emission-savings. A lane of highway during the peak period consists of a large number of cars which can give off a much greater amount of exhaust fumes than a few trains in one single lane of the rail system. Also, it helps with the progress of energy conservation as the amount of fuel needed for all these automobiles can be used to run more trains with a bigger capacity of passengers.
Of course, roads and highways do benefit people to some extent such as lower construction costs. However, weighing all factors, developing rail systems will lead to more advantages.
In conclusion, railways do not only meet the demand of speed and efficiency, they are also the eco-friendly solution. Thus, the rail lines are the profitable investment that the government should opt for over roads construction.

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Trần Nguyễn Phương Minh replied 4 months ago

thanks for your response! this must be the highest score I’ve ever been graded 😀

Trần Nguyễn Phương Minh replied 4 months ago

thanks for your response! this must be the highest score I’ve ever been graded 😀

1 Answers
Rachel answered 4 months ago

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
The infrastructure of a country is undoubtedly a great concern to both the government and its citizens. The choice of more roads or more railways is still widely debated. Opinions vary, but I strongly believe that railways can bring greater benefits to the governments than roads.
First and foremost, railways are the faster and more cost-effective options for the citizens. In terms of speed, rails come out on top compared to roads. This is due to the fact that congestion    s (?!) rarely a problem to railways while traffic jam on highways is still hindering commuters on daily basis. In addition, the authorities do not have to deal with the escalating costs of railways maintenance and expansion, even though the construction expenses may appear extravagant at first. Moreover, it has been proven that rail lines capacity surpasses that of highways. This aspect adds to the cost-efficiency of railways.
Besides this, it is irrefutable that railways exceed roads in regard to both energy-savings and emission-savings. A lane of highway during the peak period consists of a large number of cars which can give off a much greater amount of exhaust fumes than a few trains in one single lane of the rail system. Also, it helps with the progress of energy conservation as the amount of fuel needed for all these automobiles can be used to run more trains with a bigger capacity of passengers.
Of course, roads and highways do benefit people to some extent such as lower construction costs. However, weighing all factors, developing rail systems will lead to more advantages.
In conclusion, railways do not only meet the demand of speed and efficiency, they are also the eco-friendly solution. Thus, the rail lines are the profitable investment that the government should opt for over roads construction.
Task achievement – 8.0

  • sufficient address all parts
  • present a well-developed respond with supported ideas

Coherence and cohesion – 7.5

  • logically arrange ideas
  • use a range of cohesive devices appropriately

Lexical resource – 8.0

  • use wide range of vocabulary
  • skillfully use uncommon lexical items

Grammatical range and accuracy – 8.0

  • use wide range of structures
  • the majority of sentences are error-free

Overall 8.0
I think this is a very well written essay. I have a little suggest here, there’ll more emphasis on your main arguments if the paragraph about road and highway is relocated to the beginning of the essay’s body;

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Trần Nguyễn Phương Minh replied 4 months ago

thanks for your response! this must be the highest score I’ve ever been graded 😀

Trần Nguyễn Phương Minh replied 4 months ago

thanks for your response! this must be the highest score I’ve ever been graded 😀

1

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