Hi! I am posting my essay hoping you could make just a little time for it and check and score it please. I know you are so busy trying to help all the subscribers, but I was also hoping to get accurate score for it to know what band I should aim for.

QuestionsCategory: OpinionHi! I am posting my essay hoping you could make just a little time for it and check and score it please. I know you are so busy trying to help all the subscribers, but I was also hoping to get accurate score for it to know what band I should aim for.
Khurshidbek asked 1 year ago

Space exploration us too much expensive and the money should be spent on more important things.What is your opinion?

Investigating space has constantly been provocative for researchers,especially for astronomers.To some,exploring it is extremely pricey and expenditures ought to be spent to other much more crucial things,such as :declining the poverty ,environmental destructions and improving the technology.It is agreed that these issues have greater role in relation to that for the former in our modern life.The further paragraphs will provide the number of reasons which can corroborate the abovementioned point of view.

There can be some perspectives that under seeking areas beyond the Earth planet is worth to the astronomical spendings .This can be because aliens whose lifestyles are almost identical with human beings’ might be found and their area can be an optimal place to survive when the Earth comes about uninhabitable.However, the problems which are mentioned above are currently essential since they are germaned to mankinds’ lives.

In some parts of the world majority of people are suffering from variety of illnesses and dying woing to lack of food as well as water resources.Moreover,environmental concerns like air and water pollution exist in almost all areas.In order to save more and more individuals lives and deacrease the rate of pollutions investing the most share of the money which are spending to expedite the space would be much more sensible action.

What is more,hi-tech plays an integral role in this world.The more sum of money humans invest to the development of those form of technologies,the better chances they will have to make their lifestyles convinent.This is to the fact that money together with time could be saved by using the new gadgets.Givent time,they may make the exploration of space less challenging and relatively inexpensive.

Although ,there are some views that a huge amount of money should be spent to the investigation of space ,commuting them to decrease the destituteness,environmental difficulties and to improve the cutting edged technologies would be beneficial for humankind’s.

Hi! I am posting my essay hoping you could make just a little time for it and check and score it please. I know you are so busy trying to help all the subscribers, but I was also hoping to get accurate score for it to know what band I should aim for.
4.8 (95%) 4 votes

Khurshidbek replied 1 year ago

What kind of complex structures do u suggest me to add?I look forward to your answer bro

Khurshidbek replied 1 year ago

Thank you a lot bro

3 Answers
bee answered 1 year ago

Good essay with a range of vocab. , but , i think, that you should use more complex structures in your sentences .  I put 7 for this essay

Hi! I am posting my essay hoping you could make just a little time for it and check and score it please. I know you are so busy trying to help all the subscribers, but I was also hoping to get accurate score for it to know what band I should aim for.
4.8 (95%) 4 votes

Khurshidbek replied 1 year ago

What kind of complex structures do u suggest me to add?I look forward to your answer bro

Khurshidbek replied 1 year ago

Thank you a lot bro

bee answered 1 year ago

1. Relative Clauses
You can use relative clauses to give essential or extra information about a person, place, or thing. This makes our writing more fluent and more coherent. We do this by using relative pronouns like who, which and that. For example, ‘He’s the kind of person who is always friendly.’

For example:

Air pollution can cause health problems. Air pollution is largely caused by motor vehicles.

We can convert these two simple sentences into one complex sentences by using the word ‘which’.

Air pollution, which is mostly caused by motor vehicles, can cause health problems.

For example:

There is evidence that some people are more likely to smoke. These people have parents and friends who smoke.

We can link both of these sentences together by using the word ‘that’.

There is evidence that people who have parents and friends that smoke are more likely to smoke.

2. Subordinate Clauses
A subordinate clause can describe nouns and pronouns; describe verbs, adverbs, and adjectives; or act as the subject or object of another clause. They are made by connecting an independent clause with a dependent clause with words like as, because, while, until, even though, although, when and if.

3. Conditional Clauses
Also known as ‘If clauses’, they are used to express that the action in the main clause can only take place if a certain condition is met.

For example:

If I had a million dollars, I would quit my job.

I will be really happy, if I pass the IELTS test.

These clauses are good for giving examples in IELTS writing part 2.

For example:

‘Increasing taxes would raise prices and lower consumption. Fast food companies would pass on these taxes to consumers in the form of higher prices and this would lead to people not being able to afford junk food. If the cost of organic food proves prohibitively expensive for most people, they will simply not buy it. Despite this, people in many developed countries, where the problem is most acute, can afford price hikes and will continue to eat high-fat meals.’

They are also useful for talking about unreal situations or to speculate about results in the past or present.

There are four different kinds of conditionals which I will outline below:

Zero Conditionals are used to talk about information that is true or facts. We can use if or when to introduce the conditional.

Example: Nowadays when we travel long distances, we usually use air travel.

First conditionals are used to talk about things in the present or future.

Example: If the city’s population continues to grow, we will need to build more infrastructure.

Second Conditionals are used to talk about things that are impossible.

Example: If the sun didn’t come up tomorrow, we wouldn’t have any life on earth.

Third Conditionals are used to speculate about past events. It is often used when we regret something or to imagine a past unreal situation.

Example: The Second World War would have never happened if Germany had been given a fairer peace settlement in Word War One.

4. Compound Sentences
Compound sentences consist of two independent clauses linked together with a conjunction such as ‘and’, ‘for’ or ‘but’.

Examples:

I really want to study, but I’m too tired.
She got to the test centre early, and she did really well on her IELTS test.

Some students think these sentences are too simple to count as complex but they are wrong.

Warning

The crucial thing is to understand and be able to use these grammar structures before your IELTS test. Some students memorise lots of structures and try to insert them into their essays without giving much thought to how they work or if they are accurate. This will only lead to unnatural and incoherent sentences. Remember that your sentences need to also be error free so only use structures you are confident using.

They key is to only use them appropriately. Concentrate on answering the question and if you know how to use these structures they will flow naturally.

Next Steps

I hope this post has demonstrated that you can write your ideas down in a clear and simple way and still satisfy the marking criteria for complex sentences.

When you are practicing IELTS writing questions try to think of what you want to say in simple sentences and then think of how these might be linked into complex sentences. After enough practice it will become a natural thing to do and your writing will really improve.

Hi! I am posting my essay hoping you could make just a little time for it and check and score it please. I know you are so busy trying to help all the subscribers, but I was also hoping to get accurate score for it to know what band I should aim for.
4.8 (95%) 4 votes

Khurshidbek replied 1 year ago

What kind of complex structures do u suggest me to add?I look forward to your answer bro

Khurshidbek replied 1 year ago

Thank you a lot bro

Rachel Evans answered 1 year ago

Investigating space has constantly been provocative for researchers, especially for astronomers. To some, exploring it is extremely pricey and the expenditures ought to be spent to on other much more crucial things, such as: declining the poverty, environmental destructions (addressing problems such as poverty, environmental destruction) and improving the technology. [It is agreed that these issues have greater role in relation to that for the former in our modern life.] (unclear and no so connected to the other sentences) The further paragraphs (interesting word, I’ve never heard of) will provide the number of (word choice) reasons which can corroborate the abovementioned point of view. (Your introduction is not really a bright one as it is not clear and a bit lengthy. Short and simple is the best approach)
There can be some perspectives that under seeking areas beyond the Earth planet is worth to the astronomical spendings. This can be because aliens whose lifestyles are almost identical with human beings’ might be found and their area can be an optimal place to survive when the Earth comes about uninhabitable. However, the problems which are mentioned above are currently essential since they are germaned (?!) to mankind’s lives.
In some parts of the world, majority of people are suffering from variety of illnesses and dying woing (?!) to lack of food as well as water resources. Moreover, environmental concerns like air and water pollution exist in almost all areas. [In order to save more and more individuals lives and deacrease (typo) decrease the rate of pollutions, investing the most share of the money which are spending to expedite the space would be much more sensible action.] (GR error)
What is more, hi-tech plays an integral role in this world. The more sum of money humans invest to the development of those form of technologies, the better chances they will have to make their lifestyles convinent (typo) convenient. This is to the fact that money together with time could be saved by using the new gadgets. Given time, they may make the exploration of space less challenging and relatively inexpensive.
Although, there are some views that a huge amount of money should be spent to the investigation of space, commuting them to decrease the destituteness, environmental difficulties and to improve the cutting-edge technologies would be beneficial for humankind’s.
————————
To some extend you’ve addressed the TQuestion, but overall, the structure and coherence of the essay are not very good. Sentence structures may be repetitive and limited.
Punctuation saves lives, buddy. Pay attention to your use of punctuation ^^
Overall 5.5
TA – 5.5 CC – 5.0 LR – 6.0 GRA – 5.5

Hi! I am posting my essay hoping you could make just a little time for it and check and score it please. I know you are so busy trying to help all the subscribers, but I was also hoping to get accurate score for it to know what band I should aim for.
4.8 (95%) 4 votes

Khurshidbek replied 1 year ago

What kind of complex structures do u suggest me to add?I look forward to your answer bro

Khurshidbek replied 1 year ago

Thank you a lot bro

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