Hi guys I would be really happy if someone could evaluate my essay below

QuestionsCategory: OpinionHi guys I would be really happy if someone could evaluate my essay below
kankoon asked 2 months ago

Some people feel that entertainers (e.g film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money.
 
Do you agree or disagree?
 
 
It is argued that celebrities “actors, singers and sports players” are overpaid. This essay disagrees with this argument. Firstly, this essay will discuss the fact that famous scientists’ income also is quite high and secondly, discuss how this massive amount of pay would attract a huge number of fans.
 
High salaries regimen has proven to be successful with well-known researchers. This huge income has been used to encourage them to work hard and has proven useful in innovating new ideas and discovering interesting things. This could play the same vital role with people who work in the entertainment fields. The United Kingdom is a prime example, as scientists receive a quite high paycheck, every year the come out with a new medicine for cancer.
 
Paying a high wage for entertainers would increase the number of viewers accordingly. Celebrities are more likely to spend this money in living a luxurious life and this would lead to a significant increase of their followers because people tend to love rich people and consider them as role models. For instance, in the USA this has proven to draw the attention of millions of people towards movies industry “Hollywood”.
 
In conclusion, famous entertainers should get paid highly because this is a requisite in convincing nations to watch and the fact that scientists payment scheme’s in the UK, is a successful example to follow.   

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1 Answers
Rachel answered 2 months ago

It is argued that celebrities “actors, singers and sports players” are overpaid. This essay disagrees with this argument. Firstly, this essay will discuss the fact that famous scientists’ income also is quite high, and secondly, discuss how this massive amount of pay would attract a huge number of fans.

High salaries regimen has proven to be successful with well-known researchers. This huge income has been used to encourage encouraging them to work hard and has proven useful in innovating new ideas and discovering interesting things. This could play the same vital role with people who work in the entertainment fields. The United Kingdom is a prime example, as scientists receive a quite high paycheck, every year the come out with a new medicine for cancer.

Paying a high wage for entertainers would increase the number of viewers accordingly. Celebrities are more likely to spend this money in living a luxurious life and this would lead to a significant increase of their followers because people tend to love rich people and consider them as role models. For instance, in the USA this has proven to draw the attention of millions of people towards movies industry “Hollywood”.

In conclusion, famous entertainers should get paid highly because this is a requisite in convincing nations to watch and the fact that scientists payment scheme’s in the UK, is a successful example to follow.
Task achievement – 4.0

  • Underword
  • present some main ideas but some are not very suitable and properly developed

Coherence and cohesion – 4.5
Lexical resource – 4.5

  • use only very basic vocabulary
  • repetitive
  • some may not be appropriately used

Grammatical range and accuracy – 4.0

  • use a very limited of structures
  • repetitive

Overall 4.0

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