Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum. Can you guys pls help to check and commend on my essay. Thanks

QuestionsCategory: Writing Task 2Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum. Can you guys pls help to check and commend on my essay. Thanks
silverrain asked 2 years ago

It is suggested that having male and female students educated in different schools is better off, whilst others are against this idea, as they think the mixed ones benefit students more. Both views will be discussed in this essay, however, the latter one is more favourable. 

The benefit of educating adolescences separately by their gender is being able to train young girls to become more independent, handling all jobs as boy do. Since the schools are only with female students, they are unable to seek help from other boys. Instead, they learn how to solve problems by themselves, resulting in becoming more confident and eventually independent. This benefit, however, just partly contributes to the success of girls, but is not the determined factor, when they grow into adulthood. In fact, the workplace is a mixture of men and women. Without learning to work with men efficiently, female staff will fail to carry out work successfully, leading to failure in career. 

On the second view, boys and girls will be more beneficial in term of communication when having chance to interact to each other in same schools. Through group assignments, they learn the way to work with their peers from different gender, to communicate effectively to tackle problems. This essential skill later will help them to overcome any obstacles that may be caused by sexual discrepancy. For instance, there were many only girl schools in Adelaide have turned into mixed ones because of realising the importance of this social skill for a girl. 

To conclude, even though female students will have more likely to be independent by being taught in girls schools, both gender can enjoy more crucial skill for their adulthood which is communication. Therefore, this essay believes it is not necessary to split them into different institutions.

Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum. Can you guys pls help to check and commend on my essay. Thanks
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1 Answers
Rachel Evans answered 2 years ago

It is suggested that having male and female students educated in different schools is better off, whilst others are against this idea, as they think the mixed ones benefit students more. Both views will be discussed in this essay; however, the latter one is more favourable. 
The benefit of educating adolescences separately by their gender is being able to train young girls to become more independent, handling all jobs as boys do. Since the schools are only with female students, they are unable to seek help from other boys. Instead, they learn how to solve problems by themselves, resulting in becoming more confident and eventually independent. This benefits, however, just partly contributes to the success of girls, but it is not the determined factor, when they grow into adulthood. In fact, the workplace is a mixture of men and women. Without learning to work with men efficiently, female staffs will fail to carry out work successfully, leading to failure in career. 
On the second view, boys and girls will be more beneficial in term of communication when having chance to interact to each other in same schools. Through group assignments, they learn the way to work with their peers from different gender, to communicate effectively to tackle problems. This essential skill later will help them to overcome any obstacles that may be caused by sexual gender discrepancy. For instance, there were many only girl schools in Adelaide have turned into mixed ones because of realising the importance of this social skill for a girl. 
To conclude, even though female students will be more likely to be independent by being taught in girls’ schools, both genders can enjoy more crucial skill for their adulthood which is communication. Therefore, this essay believes it is not necessary to split them into different institutions.
TA – 6.5

  • address all parts

CC – 6.0

  • cohesion between sentences may be mechanical

LR – 6.5

  • errors in word choice
  • adequate range for the task

GRA – 6.5

  • use mix of simple and complex structures
  • made some grammatical errors but rarely reduce communication

Overall 6.5 – However, you should be working more on coherence and cohesion, to produce a smoother essay. Some parts in this essay seem not well connected. Good luck!

Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum. Can you guys pls help to check and commend on my essay. Thanks
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