Hello. Kindly check and evaluate my task 2 writing. Thanks

QuestionsCategory: Writing Task 2Hello. Kindly check and evaluate my task 2 writing. Thanks
rafah asked 2 years ago

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
It is said that obesity has been increasing in some regions around the world, while the level of sport has shown a considerable decline, recently. This essay will shine the light on the reasons behind this trend and also will present some solutions to cure or reduce the rate of over-weight.
On the one hand, obesity is a vivid example of the link between the oral and general health, it is inextricably enmeshed with cardiovascular diseases, type 2 diabetes, joint problems and more that could affect all the organic system of the human body. To explain more, individuals nowadays, have a strong proclivity to consume fast food meals that is high in fat and sugar, and the fact is, this type of food have more delicacy in comparison to the rest. Therefore, it is widely wanted and common among consumers at the expense on their health. In addition, people nowadays pursue a sedentary lifestyle whether at work or home. For instance, certain types of work, include siting for long hours with minor breaks in between, and very often, workers buy sandwiches, in order to save time in their busy world. Furthermore, technological advancements have also dropped people’s state of health. For example, using telecommunications through electronic gadgets have influenced people’s mind to sit for long hours in front of these devices and consuming unhealthy food. As a result, more weight would be gained and more disorders might be happened.
 On the other hand, this trend of obesity should be curbed by people and government. First, people should avoid fast food meals and replace them with ones rich in vitamins and beneficial elements to their body.  Secondly, the local council of each area should increase the awareness of the related diseases that could be seriously threatened people’s lives by running educational programmes. And last but not least, practising sports, have balanced diet, and using bicycles on a daily basis in lieu of car would regain their fitness level.
In conclusion, over-weight is a dangerous disease among individuals, measures should be applied from both authorities and people themselves to live healthy lifelong.

Hello. Kindly check and evaluate my task 2 writing. Thanks
Rate this post

rafah replied 2 years ago

I’m sorry the essay appears as one paragraph, despite I separate them ! I wish that does not bother you during reading it. Thanks again.

1 Answers
Nam Phuong answered 2 years ago

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
It is said that obesity has been increasing in some regions around the world, while the level of sport (practice) has shown a considerable decline, recently. This essay will shine the light on the reasons behind this trend and also will present some solutions to cure or reduce the rate of over-weight.
On the one hand, obesity is a vivid example of the link between the oral (digestive system) and general health, it is inextricably enmeshed with cardiovascular diseases, type 2 diabetes, joint problems and more that could affect all the organic system of the human body. To explain more, individuals nowadays, have a strong proclivity to consume fast food meals that is high in fat and sugar, and the fact is, this type of food have more delicacy in comparison to the rest. Therefore, it is widely wanted and common(popular) among consumers at the expense on their health. In addition, people nowadays pursue a sedentary lifestyle whether at work or home. For instance, certain types of work, include siting for long hours with minor breaks in between, and very often, workers buy sandwiches, in order to save time in their busy world. Furthermore, technological advancements have also dropped people’s state of health. For example, using telecommunications through electronic gadgets have influenced people’s mind to sit for long hours in front of these devices and consuming unhealthy food. As a result, more weight would be gained and more disorders might be happened.
On the other hand, this trend of obesity should be curbed by people and government. First, people should avoid fast food meals and replace them with ones rich in vitamins and beneficial elements to their body.  Secondly, the local council of each area should increase the awareness of the related diseases that could be seriously threatened people’s lives by running educational programmes. And last but not least, practising sports, have balanced diet, and using bicycles on a daily basis in lieu of car would regain their fitness level.
In conclusion, over-weight is a dangerous disease among individuals, measures should be applied from both authorities and people themselves to live healthy lifelong.

T.R: 8.0

  • address all parts of the task
  • 1st main point about the cause is more fully covered than 2nd point on the solutions. It’s better if you can balance these 2 points better.

C.C: 8.0.

  • sequences information logically

L.R: 8.5

  • good use of academic vocabulary

G.A: 8.0

  • use a mix of simple and complex structure
  • good grammar use

Overall: 8.0

Great job, buddy!

Hello. Kindly check and evaluate my task 2 writing. Thanks
Rate this post

rafah replied 2 years ago

I’m sorry the essay appears as one paragraph, despite I separate them ! I wish that does not bother you during reading it. Thanks again.

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