Hello! Could you please check my essay and give some feedback ? Wish all the best to you

QuestionsCategory: Writing Task 2Hello! Could you please check my essay and give some feedback ? Wish all the best to you
linh bui asked 2 years ago

Topic: Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
It is true that train is one of the oldest transportations in the world and provides considerable benefits to human. However, I do not agree that it is a great necessity for countries to invest money in railways more than roadways.
On the one hand, I accept that train has obviously significant advantages not only to economy but also society. Firstly, railways can assist to transport large goods, which requires people to make the cheapest freight charge. Secondly, the percentage of accidents that is caused by train, in fact, accounting for the lowest rate of modes of transport. For example, there was no railway passenger fatality in Vietnam during two years: 2014 and 2015 while hundreds of terrible catastrophes in others mode of transport occurred unexpectedly, especially airplane crashes. Finally, compared to other transportations, the amount of emissions from train also convinces people believe that this remains the most environmentally friendly transportation.
On the other hand, expenditure on constructing and mending quality of road infrastructure should be increased because of its benefits. The reason is that the road transport requires less capital investment as compared to other modes of transport such as railway, air transport or sea transport. Furthermore, due to the habit of human living in groups, transporting goods and people for short distance via road networks would be extremely convenient that no any form of transport could replace. Shipping presents or students, for instance, within cities by road transport could be the only and best way. If expenses of states went to railway sectors instead of roads, it would be likely to cause an economic slowdown for not making an investment into the important category.
In conclusion, governments may give moderately financial expenditure, but I believe that paying more expenses in roads than in railways would lead to the substantial improvements for nations
(307 words)
 

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1 Answers
Rachel Evans answered 2 years ago

Topic: Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
It is true that train is one of the oldest transportations in the world and provides considerable benefits to human. However, I do not agree that it is a great necessity for countries to invest money in railways more than roadways.
On the one hand, I accept that train has obviously significant advantages not only to economy but also society. Firstly, railways can assist to transport large goods, which requires people to make the cheapest freight charge. Secondly, the percentage of accidents that is are caused by train, in fact, accounting accounts for the lowest rate of modes of transport. For example, there was no railway passenger fatality in Vietnam during two years: 2014 and 2015, while hundreds of terrible catastrophes in others mode of transport occurred unexpectedly, especially airplane crashes. Finally, compared to other transportations, the amount of emissions from train also convinces people to believe that this remains the most environmentally friendly transportation.
On the other hand, expenditure on constructing and mending quality of road infrastructure should be increased because of its benefits. The reason is that the road transport requires less capital investment as compared to other modes of transport such as railway, air transport or sea transport. Furthermore, due to the habit of human living in groups, transporting goods and people for short distance via road networks would be extremely convenient that no any other forms of transport could replace. Shipping presents or students, for instance, within cities by road transport could be the only and best way. (?!) If expenses of states went to railway sectors instead of roads, it would be likely to cause an economic slowdown for not making an investment into the important category.
In conclusion, governments may give moderately financial expenditure, but I believe that paying more expenses in roads than in railways would lead to the substantial improvements for nations
Task achievement – 6.5

  • address all parts of the task,

Coherence and cohesion – 6.5

  • logically arrange information, however, there’re some cohesion between sentences may be unclear
  • there’s a clear overall progression

Lexical resource – 6.0

  • use sufficient range of vocabulary
  • may be repetitive

Grammatical range and accuracy – 6.0

  • use mix of simple and complex sentence forms
  • make some grammatical errors

Overall 6.0

Hello! Could you please check my essay and give some feedback ? Wish all the best to you
Rate this post

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