Hello! Could you please assess my essay? Thank you!

QuestionsCategory: Problem-SolutionHello! Could you please assess my essay? Thank you!
livermore asked 8 months ago

Recent years, the number of crimes committed by young people in major cities throughout the world is increasing. Discuss
this issue.
Give reasons and suggest some solutions.
Undoubtedly, the question whether sending criminals to prision is not the best manner of dealing is a matter of continuous debates in our society. Hence, certain people are convinced that goverments should educate and use them in kind of hard work instead punishment while others completely disagree with them. I guess various heavy jobs training are better ways to help them. The basic purpose of the essay is to define good solution to this arguable problem.
One of the most crucial fact is that most criminals are jobless. Why are they unemployed? Main reason is all of them do not study at schools or colleges in consequence they are forced to crime for their necessity. Without any doubts is that if goverments do not provide them with job in outcome number of criminals may increase in our social community. Therefore goverments should penalize them through different heavy job which ordinary workers can not. Such as mine and construction work. To illustrate, many Columbian criminals work in coal and gold mines. This manner of punishment being influenced positive side to their industry. Another vital reason is that some lazy young criminals learn beneficial knowledge during work process as a result they get rid off several bad habits.
On the other hand, I disagree that governments should teach them, cause this situation is really waste of money. That`s why it is unnecessary.
To sum up, there could be a case for saying that governments should use only criminals strength then we reach to decrease their number in the world.
(256)

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1 Answers
Rachel Evans answered 8 months ago

Hi, Livermore. Here are some comments on your writing
Undoubtedly, the question whether sending criminals to prision is not the best manner of dealing is a matter of continuous debates in our society. Hence, certain people are convinced that goverments should educate and use them in kind of hard work instead punishment while others completely disagree with them. I guess various heavy jobs training are better ways to help them. The basic purpose of the essay is to define good solution to this arguable problem.
One of the most crucial facts is that most criminals are jobless. Why are they unemployed? Main reason is all of them do not study at schools or colleges in consequence they are forced to crime for their necessity. Without any doubts is that if goverments do not provide them with job in outcome number of criminals may increase in our social community. Therefore governments should penalize them through different heavy job which ordinary workers can not. (The sentence is not complete). Such as mine and construction work. To illustrate, many Columbian criminals work in coal and gold mines. This manner of punishment being influenced positive side to their industry. Another vital reason is that some lazy young criminals learn beneficial knowledge during work process as a result they get rid off several bad habits.
On the other hand, I disagree that governments should teach them, cause this situation is really waste of money. That’s why it is unnecessary.
To sum up, there could be a case for saying that governments should use only criminals strength then we reach to decrease their number in the world.
(256)
Task achievement – 5.0

  • The reasoning is not convincing and some parts are unclear/ inadequately developed.

Coherence and Cohesion – 5.0

  • Present information with some organization
  • Paragraphing may be inadequate (especially the introduction part)
  • Maybe repetitive

Lexical resource – 5.0

  • Use a limited range of vocabulary, but this is minimally adequate for the task
  • Make noticeable errors in spelling

Grammatical range and Accuracy – 4.5

  • Use only a limited range of structures
  • Some sentences are not complete

Overall – 5.0
You should practice more on writing skills to achieve higher band score.
Contraction shouldn’t be used in academic writing (‘s; n’t…)

Hello! Could you please assess my essay? Thank you!
Rate this post

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