Few people devote their time to hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effects this has on individual and society in general. Could someone please check and give me a score band on my writing.

QuestionsFew people devote their time to hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effects this has on individual and society in general. Could someone please check and give me a score band on my writing.
Manmeet Kaur asked 1 year ago

Few people devote their time to hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effects this has on individual and society in general. Could someone please check and give me a score band on my writing.
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Manmeet Kaur replied 1 year ago

It is an inescapable fact that nowadays individuals prefer to spend less time on the activities they like, due to which there is an increase in their stress and irritation levels. This essay will study the different reasons for this trend and their possible effects on a particular person and on the community as a whole.

There are many factors that contribute in reduction of time given to extra-curricular activities by individuals. First and foremost, it is the pressure of work faced by people these days. With an addition in the number of working hours, people tend to get tired easily and are not left with sufficient energy to devote time to their favorite activities. Secondly, the responsibilities and commitment towards family makes it, further, difficult for an individual to take out time for himself. For instance, the parents who have young children are often found to be indulged in improving their child’s ability or proving them better lifestyle. hence, they are unable think about themselves over their children.

This trend could have detrimental effects, both on the person as well as the society. Firstly, the individual will have raised levels of stress and inconvenience, thus, decreasing the happiness quotient in them. This could in return have an adverse effect on their health and their performance at work. Moreover, as per society’s perspective, there is an isolation that can been seen among people which effects the relationships of the local community. For example, earlier people with similar interest use to interact and spend time with one another, which brought peace and harmony in the community. While today, people do not even communicate with their neighbors which hampers the contribution of the individual towards community’s progress.

To summarize, people paying less attention to their hobbies, may lead to under-development of the individual and hindrance for the growth of society.

1 Answers
Thuy Dung Pham answered 1 year ago

It is an inescapable fact that nowadays, individuals prefer to spend [spending] less time on the activities they like [their favorite activities] due to which there is an increase in their stress and irritation levels. This essay will [/shall] study discuss the different reasons for this trend and their possible effects on a particular person an individual and as well as on the community as a whole.
(The underlined part is more suitable to be put in conclusion as a summary of the discussed points. You already said you would discuss the reasons in the next sentence as well as following paragraphs, but the underlined part has already revealed the reasons).
There are many factors that contribute in to the reduction of time given to extra-curricular activities by individuals. First and foremost, it is the pressure of work faced by people these days. With an addition in the number of working hours, people tend to get tired [/overwhelmed] easily and are not left with sufficient energy to devote time to their favorite activities. Secondly, the responsibilities and commitment towards family makes it, further, difficult for an individual to take out spend time for himself. For instance, the parents who have young children are often found to be indulged in improving their child’s ability or proving them better lifestyle. hence, they are unable [to] think about themselves over their children.
This trend could have detrimental effects, both on the person [the individual] as well as the society. Firstly, the individual will have raised [an increasing] levels of stress and inconvenience, thus, decreasing the happiness quotient in them. This could in return have an adverse effect on their health and their performance at work. Moreover, as per society’s perspective, there is an isolation that can been seen among people which effects [affect/influence in] the relationships of the local community. For example, earlier people with similar interests use tend to interact and spend time with one another, which brought peace and harmony in the community. While today, people do not even communicate with their neighbors which hampers the contribution of the individual towards community’s progress.
To summarize, people (unnecessary) paying less attention to their hobbies may lead to under-development of the individual and hindrance for the growth of society.
Feedback
Task achievement: 7.5 (good response to the task, details and evidence are supportive)
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0 (good organization in general)
Lexical Resources: 7.5 (good use of advanced vocabs, take note on using more synonyms and less unnecessary words)
Grammar Range: 8.0 (excellent use of complex structures, no grammar mistakes)
Overall: 7.5

Few people devote their time to hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effects this has on individual and society in general. Could someone please check and give me a score band on my writing.
Rate this post

Manmeet Kaur replied 1 year ago

It is an inescapable fact that nowadays individuals prefer to spend less time on the activities they like, due to which there is an increase in their stress and irritation levels. This essay will study the different reasons for this trend and their possible effects on a particular person and on the community as a whole.

There are many factors that contribute in reduction of time given to extra-curricular activities by individuals. First and foremost, it is the pressure of work faced by people these days. With an addition in the number of working hours, people tend to get tired easily and are not left with sufficient energy to devote time to their favorite activities. Secondly, the responsibilities and commitment towards family makes it, further, difficult for an individual to take out time for himself. For instance, the parents who have young children are often found to be indulged in improving their child’s ability or proving them better lifestyle. hence, they are unable think about themselves over their children.

This trend could have detrimental effects, both on the person as well as the society. Firstly, the individual will have raised levels of stress and inconvenience, thus, decreasing the happiness quotient in them. This could in return have an adverse effect on their health and their performance at work. Moreover, as per society’s perspective, there is an isolation that can been seen among people which effects the relationships of the local community. For example, earlier people with similar interest use to interact and spend time with one another, which brought peace and harmony in the community. While today, people do not even communicate with their neighbors which hampers the contribution of the individual towards community’s progress.

To summarize, people paying less attention to their hobbies, may lead to under-development of the individual and hindrance for the growth of society.

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