exam on 22.10, Please score my essay, thank you in advance.

QuestionsCategory: Problem-Solutionexam on 22.10, Please score my essay, thank you in advance.
Manuela_BlubBlub asked 6 months ago

People who live in large cities face a range of problems in their daily life. What are the most significant of these problems? How can these problems be tackled?
Teenagers living on the countryside dream of moving to a big cities, many fulfill their wish as grown-ups. What they do not consider are the problems to be faced in cities such as London, Vienna and New York. This essay will discuss some of the aspects affecting everyday life in a metropolis and shed light on possible solutions.
First and foremost, the rents are considerably higher in urban than in rural areas. The high housing prices, for example, result in increasing investments in this sector. Simultaneously, the demand for living space is increasing due to the growing population, driving the prices even higher. A solution would be to increase the amount of apartments and souses or to decrease the number of the investments of rich individuals.
Another disadvantage is the growing crime rate in cities. Poverty and the substantial discrepancy between rich and poor influence people to commit crime. Additionally, the low social standards might increase the feelings of inequality and suggest that workers would raise the standards and give people hope to improve their way of life in a legal fashion.
The most serious problem is the air and noise pollution introduced by traffic. Especially, at rush hour a lot of cars are on the streets. Micro-particles that are produced by cars are inhaled and have a significant influence on human health. Pedestrian areas and car free zones should be introduced to improve the citizens health.
To sum up, rents, crime and health risks introduced by cars are major disadvantages of life in a big city. To resolve these issues several suggestions were introduced such as the increase of pedestrian areas.

exam on 22.10, Please score my essay, thank you in advance.
5 (100%) 3 votes

4 Answers
Rachel answered 6 months ago

Hi, Manuela
Teenagers living on the countryside dream of moving to a big cities, many fulfill their wish as grown-ups. What they do not consider are is the problems to be faced in cities such as London, Vienna and New York. This essay will discuss some of the aspects affecting everyday life in a metropolis and shed light on possible solutions.
First and foremost, the rents are considerably higher in urban than in rural areas. The high housing prices, for example, result in increasing investments in this sector. Simultaneously, the demand for living space is increasing due to the growing population, driving the prices even higher. A solution would be to increase the amount of apartments and souses houses or to decrease the number of the investments of rich individuals.
Another disadvantage is the growing crime rate in cities. Poverty and the substantial discrepancy between rich and poor influence people to commit crime. Additionally, the low social standards might increase the feelings of inequality and suggest that workers would raise the standards and give people hope to improve their way of life in a legal fashion.
The most serious problem is the air and noise pollution introduced caused by traffic. Especially, at the rush hour a lot of cars are on the streets. Micro-particles that are produced by cars are inhaled and have a significant influence on human health. Pedestrian areas and car free zones should be introduced to improve the citizens health.
To sum up, rents, crime and health risks introduced by cars are major disadvantages of life in a big city. To resolve these issues several suggestions were introduced such as the increase of pedestrian areas.
Word count – 272
Overall, I think you have a very nice essay. There are only some typos and misuse of article. Keep up doing! ^^
 
Overall – 7.5
Task achievement – 7.5

  • sufficiently address all parts of the task

Lexical range – 7.0

  • use a sufficient range of vocabulary

Coherence and Cohesion – 7.0

  • logically organize information and ideas. Clear progression throughout
  • use a range of cohesive devices appropriately

Grammatical range and Accuracy – 7.5

  • use wide range of structures
  • produce frequent error-free sentences
  • good control of grammar

 

exam on 22.10, Please score my essay, thank you in advance.
5 (100%) 3 votes

Manuela_BlubBlub answered 6 months ago

Thanks for the nice feedback! I hope I can do similarly well on the actual exam =)

exam on 22.10, Please score my essay, thank you in advance.
5 (100%) 3 votes

Lean Hui Zhen answered 6 months ago

q

exam on 22.10, Please score my essay, thank you in advance.
5 (100%) 3 votes

Lean Hui Zhen answered 6 months ago

q

exam on 22.10, Please score my essay, thank you in advance.
5 (100%) 3 votes

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