Even though globalisation affects the world's economics in a very positive way, its negative sides should not be forgotten. What is your view? Discuss.

QuestionsEven though globalisation affects the world's economics in a very positive way, its negative sides should not be forgotten. What is your view? Discuss.
nguyenlykimngan asked 1 year ago

It is true that there are controversies about the influence of globalisation on the economy. While it is argued to produce breakthrough, I believe that globalisation’s drawbacks outweigh the benefits in the long term.
There are several effects that globalisation has on the economy. Firstly, the number of business becoming international is increasing remarkably which allows them to trade products. For example, corporations could have a chance to export their own produce to other countries which would raise foreign currency for the country and citizens could have access to imported products. Secondly, globalisation creates more jobs for individuals since there have been more investments, resulted in the increase of employment rate. Finally. if the unemployment rate decreases, a number of people who live under poverty line will drop significantly. 
In spite of all the arguments described above, I believe that it also has undeniable negative impact. Globalisation can harm businesses who cannot have the ability to compete with multinational companies. As a result, domestic corporations could go bankrupt if they did not sell as many products as they expect. Besides, traditional culture is incompatible with foreign customs which are transferred by globalisation so it would disappear. Furthermore, local products could be replaced by international brands which will affect the labour market’s growth.
In conclusion, although globalisation has an important role to play in the economy,I believe that it also has negative effect in the long term.

Even though globalisation affects the world's economics in a very positive way, its negative sides should not be forgotten. What is your view? Discuss.
5 (100%) 2 votes

1 Answers
Thuy Dung Pham answered 1 year ago

It is true that there are controversies about the influence of globalisation on in the (not appropriate, “the” is used for a DEFINED object or a specialized name, in this case no a/an/the should be used) -> [There is no doubt about the controversial influences of globalization in global economy]. While it is argued to produce breakthrough -> while breakthrough is yet to come, I believe that globalisation’s drawbacks outweigh the benefits in the long term.
*Note on Vocabulary: to have (an) influence(s) in

[At first glance] (transition phrase should be added), there are several positive effects that globalisation has on the economy. Firstly, the number of business becoming international is increasing remarkably which allows them (who is the subject?) -> [producers] to trade products. (Confusing sentence). For example, national corporations could have an chance (informal) -> [opportunity] to export their own produce  products to foreign countries which not only would the corporations’ productivity and profits be raised, but tthe customers would gain access to wider variety of products. Secondly, globalisation creates (informal) [provides] more jobs [for the population] since there have been more investments, resulted in the increase of employment rate. Finally. [Such drop/reduction/decrease/fall in] unemployment rate decreases [would reduce the number/portion] of people [population] who live under poverty line will drop significantly  [as a result]. (this is the result of the previously discussed case)

In spite of all the arguments [positiveness] described above, I believe that it also has undeniable negative impact. Globalisation can harm businesses national producers who [which/that] cannot have the ability [are unable] to compete with multinational ones. As a result [/consequence], they could go bankrupt if they did not sell as many products as they expect (informal), -> [these suppliers may go bankrupt due to gain of profits.] Besides, [there are yet risks that] traditional [regional products could not meet] incompatible with foreign customs [preference] which are transferred by globalisation [in terms of quantity and quality, affecting the producers’ reputation and customers’ trust]. Furthermore, local brands could be replaced international ones, which would affect [stagnate] the labour market’s growth.

In conclusion, although globalisation has an important role to play in the economy, I believe that it also has negative effect in the long term. (this conclusion is too weak and basically repetitious to the Intro part, you should add short summary of all the ideas you’ve discussed by putting them in short phrases)
Feedback
Task achievement: 6.0 (try not to use “I” in academic writing, good knowledge about the topic, some ideas are supportive enough, need to re-write a more detailed conclusion to get higher score)
Cohesion and Coherence: 6.5 (ideas are well-organized, take note on using more transition phrase)
Lexical Resources: 4.0 (limited use of vocabulary range, some vocabs are inappropriately used, make mistakes with spelling)
Grammar Accuracy: 5.0 (limited use of complicated sentence structure, some ideas are poorly expressed and linked due to simple and fragmented sentences, take note on the use of a/an/the)
Overall: 5.0

Even though globalisation affects the world's economics in a very positive way, its negative sides should not be forgotten. What is your view? Discuss.
5 (100%) 2 votes

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