Could you please score my writing task 2 and marks my mistake. Thank you so much.

QuestionsCategory: DicussionCould you please score my writing task 2 and marks my mistake. Thank you so much.
Nguyễn Hải Bình asked 4 months ago

Question: Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Other, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Answer:
It is difficult to find the best way to guide children become a person who contributes positively to the society. While many people suppose that teaching children to behave is parents’ responsibility, I would argue that school is the right place to do it.
On the one hand, there are a variety of reasons why parents should take charge of fundamental concern about teaching children to behave. Firstly, parents have the most influence in children. Children learn through imitation, and if parents can demonstrate positive actions, their children will follow suit. Secondly, parents are emotionally and physically close to children, so they have a better knowledge about their child. It provides them a golden opportunity to find the suitable methods to teach children, regarding the habits and character of their children.
On the other hand, I believe that the school should be a place preparing children to become a positive part of society. Firstly, teachers have better access to training and educational resources, so they have efficient methods to teach children. Furthermore, the school can manage students effectively by applying the strict rules, which makes school is the ideal place for learning all types of skills, consist of the attitude of young students. Secondly, school seems to be a microcosm of adult society. By communicating with their peers, the student can master the vital soft skills, which allows them to gain some valuable experiences,develop their own worldview, and to realize how they fit into society.
In conclusion, while learning behavior from parents is advantageous, it seems to me that school is the suitable choice for children learns to become a useful person in the future.

Could you please score my writing task 2 and marks my mistake. Thank you so much.
5 (100%) 2 votes

1 Answers
Thuy Dung Pham answered 4 months ago

It is difficult to find the best way to guide children to become a person who contributes positively to the society. While many people suppose that teaching children to behave is parents’ responsibility, I would argue that school is the right place to do it.
On the one hand, there are-> is a variety of reasons why parents should take charge of -> take responsibility for/ be in charge of fundamental concern about teaching their children to behaviors. Firstly, parents have the most influence in children. Children learn through imitation, and if parents can demonstrate positive actions, their children will follow suit. Secondly, parents are emotionally and physically close to children, so they have a better knowledge about their child. It-> This provides them a golden opportunity to find the suitable methods to teach children, regarding to the habits and character of their children.
On the other hand, I believe that the school should be a the place preparing children to become a positive part of society. Firstly, teachers have better access to training and educational resources, so hence they have efficient methods to teach children. Furthermore, the school can manage students effectively by applying the strict rules, which makes schools is the an ideal place for learning all types of skills, consisting of the attitude of young students. Secondly, school seems to be a microcosm of adult society. By communicating with their peers, the student can master the vital soft skills, which allows them to gain some valuable experiences, to develop their own worldview and to realize how they fit into society.
In conclusion, while learning behavior from parents is advantageous, it seems to me that school is the suitable choice for children learns to become a useful-> productive person in the future.
Feedback
Task achievement: 8.0 (well-developed response, good balance, strong and supportive evidence)
Coherence and cohesion: 8.0 (good flow, paragraphing efficiently and appropriately)
Lexical resources: 8.0 (very fluent use of academic vocabs, although some expression are still simple i.e. “it is difficult to find the best way…”)
Grammar Range and Accuracy: 7.0 (sentence structures are well maintained and clear, mistakes when using a/an/the, subject-verb agreement and verb+to/-ing)
Overall: 8.0 (good essay, take notes on some grammar mistakes and you’re good to go)

Could you please score my writing task 2 and marks my mistake. Thank you so much.
5 (100%) 2 votes