Could you please score my writing task 1 and marks my mistake? I really need helps! Thank you so much!

QuestionsCategory: Writing Task 1Could you please score my writing task 1 and marks my mistake? I really need helps! Thank you so much!
navidba asked 4 years ago


 
There are two pie charts about energy. First chart shows energy use in an average Australian household. Second chart shows the proportion of greenhouse gas emissions according to this energy use.
According to the first chart, the Australian household energy use is divided into six different parts, including heating, water heating, refrigeration, and cooling, lighting and other appliances. The most proportion of that is related to heating, about 42 percent. But, according to the second chart, heating just emits 15 percent of greenhouse gas emissions. The most proportion of greenhouse gas is emitted by water heating with 32 percent and it use 30 percent of energy of Australian household. The low percentage of energy use and greenhouse gas emissions are related to the cooling by 2 percent energy use and 3 percent greenhouse emission.
In conclusion, refrigeration, lighting and other appliances use nearly 25 percent of energy, but they emit approximately half of greenhouse gas.   

navidba replied 4 years ago

Thank you so much

1 Answers
Thuy Dung Pham answered 4 years ago

There are two pie charts about energy. First chart shows energy use in an average Australian household. Second chart shows the proportion of greenhouse gas emissions according to this energy use.
According to the first chart, the Australian household energy use used is divided into six different parts, including heating, water heating, refrigeration, and cooling, lighting and other appliances. The most proportion of that is related to heating, about 42 percent. But, according to the second chart, heating just emits 15 percent of greenhouse gas emissions. The most proportion of greenhouse gas is emitted by water heating with 32 percent and it use is used 30 percent of energy of Australian household. The low percentage of used energy use and greenhouse gas emissions are related to the cooling by 2 percent energy use and 3 percent greenhouse emission.
In conclusion, refrigeration, lighting and other appliances use nearly 25 percent of energy, but they emit approximately half of greenhouse gas.   
Task achievement: 6.0 (addresses all parts of the task, presents an overview with information appropriately selected)
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0 (presents information with some organisation but there may be a lack of overall progression, may be repetitive because of lack of overall progression)
Lexical Resource: 4.5 (uses only basic vocabulary which were used repetitively and has limited control of word formation)
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 4.0 (uses only a very limited range of structures with only rare use of subordinate clauses)
Overall: 5.0 (this task needs to be improved. It is too simple to get high score)
 

navidba replied 4 years ago

Thank you so much

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