Could you please score my essay and give some feedback ? Thank you in advance

QuestionsCategory: DicussionCould you please score my essay and give some feedback ? Thank you in advance
Dong Trieu asked 9 months ago

Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
People have different views about incentives of learning another language in addition to mother tongue. While some argue that travelling and working overseas would force people to study a different language, I believe that there are other rationales motivating people to learn a second language.
On the one hand, there are two main reasons why people attempt to learn a foreign language. Firstly, besides understanding a country’s culture it would be virtually essential to be aware of communication language before travelling to other countries. For example, many foreign tourists have enormous difficulties such as getting lost, being easily deceived and getting desperate troubles in receiving assistance due to not speaking an international language or Vietnamese when they go to Vietnam. Secondly, speaking fluently a foreign language is one of the indispensable tools to be offered a job in the nation which communicates in that language. This means that foreign language is considered as a barrier or an obstacle people have to break through when going abroad.
On the other hand, people can communicate in another language that could gain considerable benefits as well despite staying in their own country. Many young students who have just graduated that could get a better job with higher salary compared to their peers if they can speak a foreign language. Most of candidates attend recruitments in Samsung group, the only company in Vietnam which recruits a large number of fresh graduates with offering an attractive salary – 10 million Vietnam Dong per month, are required to hold a above 600 points TOEIC certificate. Furthermore, studying a different language would help people to watch TV shows or read documents from that nation.
In conclusion, it seems to me that people should learn a foreign language in spite of not going abroad, because I believe that there are significant advantages to learn more than one language.
(309 words)

Could you please score my essay and give some feedback ? Thank you in advance
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